'How To Talk To Your Child About Sex'

[DEC. 27, 2000]   How To Talk To Your Child About Sex." Linda and Richard Eyre, St. Martin's Griffin, 1998, 231 pages.

"It’s best to start early, but it’s never too late — a step by step guide for every age." This statement from the book "How To Talk To Your Child About Sex" is the foundation for the message conveyed to the reader. Authors Linda and Richard Eyre have written a frank and open manual designed to help parents discuss with their children the important topic of sex.

 

According to the authors, this book is an elaboration of a particular chapter in their 1993 bestseller, "Teaching Your Children Values." That chapter on sexual values elicited the greatest response from readers — so much so that the Eyres decided to devote an entire book to the subject.

They write in the introduction, "Our discussions with parents around the world…have convinced us that parents want and need practical, useable help. They want to know how to talk to their kids about sex in a positive, pragmatic way."

The book employs two important literary devices — the use of model dialogues and the incorporation of certain fundamental themes. The authors’ explanation of the model dialogues is simple: "First, give a clear model for explaining the mechanics and the facts to the kids, and, second, extend most of the dialogues to include how beautiful and awesome sex can be when it happens in a committed, loyal, exclusive-love relationship." Using these dialogues, the authors emphasize certain themes throughout: smallness (the interchange between parents and children), love, pre-emptive information, family, correct principles, realism and a focus on the personal.

 

In the introduction, "What Parents Face Today," the authors discuss the problem of talking to kids about sex and suggest solutions for approaching this delicate subject. In addition to the model dialogues, there are a series of discussions that parents can have with their children about sex, safety, commitment and marriage. A bonus feature is a list of the questions most commonly asked by parents who attend the authors’ lectures and seminars. Concluding the introduction is a section on "Personal Tips for Parents" — or as the authors call it, "timing, content, and techniques — the when, the what, and the how."

 

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Following the introduction are the chapters that contain the essence of the book’s message — the five "dialogues and discussions" that have age-specific information on the topic of sex.

Chapter 1 covers the age group 3 to 8 and emphasizes the discussions that parents should have with children to prepare them for the "big talk" on sex they will have at an older age. That "big talk" comes in Chapter 2, a chapter that targets 8-year-olds. This is a very candid talk with the child about sex and values. By the time the child reaches the ages of 8 to 13 years, Chapter 3 builds on the foundation of the "big talk" and recommends the types of discussions that can reinforce this message.

 

At the age group of 11 to 16 years, children’s lives are shaped by different priorities. Chapter 4 shifts the focus from teaching the child about sex to teaching about "how to view (and what to do with) sex. It’s a question now of attitude and behavior rather than knowledge." In the chapter for 15- to 19-year-olds, discussions, short essays and poetry are used to stimulate thought and perspective on what’s been learned about sex. The authors believe that this "open or equal approach shows respect for your teen and shows that these are issues you (the parent) deal with too."

 

The unique instructional format found in "How To Talk To Your Child About Sex" makes this a valuable tool for explaining the subject of sex to your child. Parents of children ages 3 through 19 will find practical information combined with sound advice as they prepare to meet this difficult challenge. Although the book does not contain an index, its chapter arrangement by age group makes it easy to browse. Combining frank, honest dialogue with current information about sex and values, "How To Talk To Your Child About Sex" is highly recommended to parents who are preparing to discuss the topic of sex with their children.

For more information, visit the library at 725 Pekin St. or call (217) 732-8878.

[Richard Sumrall, Lincoln Public Library District]

 

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