Antonio Banderas, Omar Sharif

The Thirteenth Warrior

Based on the book by Michael Crichton

From the director of Die Hard

[JAN. 28, 2000]  The Thirteenth Warrior is another engaging Michael Crichton book… one that even has Vikings and Arabs in it (what could be better than a story with Vikings and Arabs?). But this movie left a lot to be desired.

It’s the story of an Arabian dignitary, portrayed by Antonio Banderas, who was banished because of an affair with the wrong woman. He was sent far away to be an emissary to what seemed like the most uncivilized, uncouth, unkempt people he had ever met --the Vikings. But don’t expect to see any of this introductory information. Instead, the movie opens with a long voice-over that tells you about the affair, the banishment, and then dumps you just outside the Viking camp with Banderas and his interpreting sidekick, Omar Sharif. I think the visual introduction ended up on the editing-room floor in an attempt to get that perfect “slightly-less-than-two-hours” length for a movie. The overall effect made me feel like something was missing.

I was mostly bored and disappointed. The movie goes to tiresome lengths to make the wrong points. First, the director lets you know that there is a language barrier. Neither Banderas nor Sharif can understand Norse, the language of the Vikings, but one of the Vikings understands Greek. Luckily, Sharif speaks Greek and translates for Banderas. He pays close attention and over what seems like just a few nights, Banderas learns the entire Norse language. If the director had only cut some of the language-barrier frames out of the film, they might have had enough extra money to spare for a decent visual introduction.

Throughout the film there is a little crude talk about sex, but I don’t remember any scenes with nudity. I recall that there was nothing more than hand holding, sexual innuendo and a little kissing on the screen. But there is lotsa blood, lotsa dismembered bodies and flying body parts, and lotsa superstitious, crude Vikings.

A little bit reminiscent of Indiana Jones:Temple of Doom, I watched the whole movie hoping it would get better, but regrettably can’t recommend it to anyone. Some interesting concepts, some good looking scenery, but overall a flop. The book was great… it’s not Crichton’s fault!

I give it 1½ stars.

[Midge]