Welcome to the em space, a staff writer's commentary page with reflections on life experiences in Logan County and beyond. Thank you for reading.

- Mary Krallmann


From the quieter side

After 15 to 20 years with a substantial hearing loss, my interest in the subject has shifted considerably. My files suggest that I must have been absorbed at first with consulting specialists, buying the latest devices and accumulating related literature.

I’ve learned that a hearing loss will probably always be a part of life, and not a terribly bad part at that. I’m more interested now in simple, everyday ideas for better communication, with or without excellent physical capacities for hearing.

Here are three little ideas from the quieter side:  

  1. Talk less.
  1. Slow down.
  1. Check for understanding.

From a personal standpoint, there’s less for me to try to figure out if people talk less.

I recall a quotation from George Washington Carver, who was inventive enough to make 300 products from peanuts.  He said, “You never saw a heavy thinker with his mouth open. Stop talking so much.”

  Consider what you say in a day’s time and how much of it really needs to be said. Talking more doesn’t always clarify matters. Sometimes it clouds the issue. Talk can also be time-consuming. If your schedule is crowded, maybe talk is one area where you could cut back. In addition, talking less gives you a chance to listen more, generally improving the quality of your communication.

(If you already follow the non-talking patterns of “Silent Cal” Coolidge, the former president, this doesn’t necessarily apply to you.)

Talking slower probably sounds like a way to avoid tripping over your tongue. It’s also good news for a person with limited hearing. Slower talk helps as much or more than louder talk, especially if the person listening already has artificial amplification. Excess volume distorts sound. If a person who is already talking loudly raises his voice, I often understand less. I have to wait for the person to calm down and slow down.

Besides allowing for echoes to subside, silences between sentences and paragraphs allow time for processing information. A single spoken word contains many elements of sound data, and a person with poor hearing receives fewer of those than a person with normal hearing does. Everyone uses guesswork to some extent to fill in the gaps, especially in noisy places. A person who has less to go on needs more time to identify the auditory clues, allow for missing parts, consider the context, notice visual clues, factor in past experience with the subject matter and with the speaker, and come up with an educated (or creative) guess about what was said.

Some cultures understand the benefits of silent spaces in conversation better than we do. A man who worked with aboriginal people in northern North America wrote about a lesson he learned from one of the natives. The person reminded him that in their culture it is considered impolite in meetings to respond immediately to what another person says. Those listening are expected to allow time for everyone to respectfully consider the message.

No matter how much or little we talk, no matter how fast or slow, loud or soft, communication remains a joint process that requires everyone to share the responsibility. To illustrate, a man told a story about preparing for a seminar. The auditorium wasn’t ready, so he asked someone to help set up chairs. She smiled and nodded politely to his greeting. The next time he came past, nothing had been done. Eventually the other person responded in another language, saying that she didn’t understand English.  For people with severe hearing losses, their native tongue can also sound like a foreign language, (while the written version is still understandable).

Even if people have perfect hearing, they can easily fail to understand what others mean. It happens all the time. Psychologists sometimes recommend that individuals in troubled relationships verbally reflect back to each other what they have heard. It’s a technique that also helps when hearing itself is a problem. In the most difficult communication situations, each person may need to go halfway or more to make sure that messages are exchanged effectively. If another person checks periodically to find out what I’ve understood, I’m also more likely to ask for clarification as needed. When maximum accuracy is required and writing isn’t practical, I repeat whatever I hear so the other person can check. Another part of understanding is to accept that there are situations when I won’t know what is said.

People with physically fine hearing and speech aren’t always good communicators. There are also people with physical limitations in hearing or speaking who communicate well. Physical capabilities are not the only relevant issue. Less than normal hearing will always be a reality for many of us, but everyone can work toward better communication skills.

 

Internet sources of information about hearing health:

http://www.shhh.org/

http://www.theearfound.org

http://www.hearinghealthmag.com

http://www.searchwave.com/search/searchwave.cgi

 

[Mary Krallmann]