Yard sale decorum
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The hassled, red-faced man cruising the neighborhood
Saturday morning in the pickup truck is good ol' Bert, of course.
It's a Saturday in summer, which means only one thing in our part of
the country -- yard sales. That's why the charming lady riding next
to him -- his wife, Maizie -- was wearing a big grin.
"There's one, Bert," she said. "On the right. Pull over and park."
It took Maizie almost 20 minutes to work her way up the driveway.
There were three boxes of paperback books to go through first, then
a shelf full of various knobs.
"I'll ask them what these knobs are for," Maizie said.
"Don't do it," replied Bert. "If you have to ask, we don't need
What Bert forgot to say was that he didn't want to admit to the
Johnsons, whose yard sale this was, that he didn't know what those
knobs of theirs actually did.
After two paperback books, there was a little stack of doilies to
"We don't need doilies," Bert said.
"Hush!" said Maizie. "People will think you aren't friendly."
Then she spotted the lamp.
It was only five bucks, and it was a golden brown like a big fat
vase and had a nice amber shade on it.
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"Oh, Bert," Maizie said. "It's a lot like the one we used to
have. Remember that one? It used to sit on the end table closest to
the door to your den. I really miss that lamp. Let's get this one,
Bert. It'll remind us of the one we used to have, OK?"
"It is kinda nice," Bert said.
Maizie bought it and Bert loaded it in the pickup, along with the
new ironing board, game cartridge for the grandkids, plant pots for
the geraniums, dishes for Maizie's dish collection, a serving spoon
holder from Niagara Falls and a five-gallon milk can to put
When they got home and were unloading, Bert noticed Maizie's
initials on the bottom of the new table lamp. Didn't the Johnsons
buy this from them at their yard sale about 10 years ago?
Oh well, nothing shines like a new lamp, and Bert might be tired
of yard saling, but he is still gentleman enough not to spoil it for
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