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Even as he pulled up a chair at the philosophy counter and world
dilemma think tank, he started in.
"The world, gentlemen," he said. "The world is cresting on a
multiplicity of inventiveness at the moment, and I'm flat in the
middle of it!"
Yes. He talks like that sometimes.
We all pretended we hadn't heard him and sipped our coffee.
Yes. We're like that sometimes, too.
"Maizie got it for me for Christmas," he said, looking at us as
he flipped his coffee cup to the upright and ready-for-filling
position.
Finally, Dud couldn't stand it any more. "What was that, Bert?"
"It's the Rat Zapper!" he said. "The cutting edge in domestic
varmint control. The computer age has finally come to the world of
pest whacking, people."
"What do you think?" said Doc. "Think he's going to tell us about
it anyway?"
A general nod of agreement. "OK, Bert, what the heck is a rat
zapper?"
"That's Rat Zapper, capital letters, Doc, 'cause it's a brand
name. You see, you just plug this little box into the wall and put
it behind something. When the rat goes in and tries to eat the bait,
he steps on this metal plate and is electrocuted. You just take it
out and dump it and reset it.
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column]
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"The first thing you do, though, is put some bait in it and let
him go get it without the electricity. Then you plug that baby in,
and ZAP! Oh, man, it's just great!"
"High-tech rat killin'?" Doc said.
"Oh, you bet. And not only that, but for a little extra, you can
have the trap ring your cell phone to let you know when you've
caught one. And you can get a whole network of these thingies, and
they'll each call you when they have a fried rat for you. Isn't that
amazing?"
"Never got a call from a dead rat before," Doc said.
"Bet you can't wait."
"Well, Bert," I chimed in, "I didn't realize you had a rat
problem over at your place."
"I don't," he said, looking discouraged. "But you know, if I put
some corn out, maybe by spring . . ."
[Slim Randles]
Brought to you by "Hot Biscuits." See it at
www.slimrandles.com.
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