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Syndicated column from The Parent
[JUNE 15, 2006]
Q: My daughter is
8 years old. Lately she has been very disrespectful to me and others
-- at home and at school. She becomes angry when she doesn't get her
way. I'm afraid she's going to get into trouble at school and her
grades will suffer. What can I do?
A: Most children get
angry or disrespectful once in a while. But some children become
preoccupied with fighting and arguing with their parents, their
teachers and the rest of the world. If your daughter has recently
started showing angry or defiant behavior, think about what's
changed in her life. Has there been a change in your family
situation? Could there be a problem at school? Consider the
Set some limits
on what you will -- and won't -- allow. You cannot change
your child's feelings, but you can change her behavior. You need
to set up clear consequences if your daughter acts out when
she's angry or acts in a way that is disrespectful. For example,
you might say, "You may not hit. The first time you hit someone,
you will have to go to your room. The second time you hit, you
will lose your TV privileges for one day."
what your daughter watches on television. Watching too much
violence on television, according to some experts, can make
children more aggressive and defiant.
[to top of second column]
fire with fire. If your child is angry with you, it's hard
to stay calm. But learning to manage your own angry response is
the first step in teaching your child how to deal with anger in
a positive way.
daughter is frequently so angry that it is disrupting family
life, consider professional help. Check with your school
counselor, doctor or local mental health center for resources in
When your child misbehaves, she needs to know that you still love
her -- even though you don't love her behavior. The good news is
that the same qualities that make a disrespectful, angry child
difficult to live with now may also make her a success later in
life. Your job is to help her channel that energy, persistence and
strong will in constructive ways.
For more information about helping
children learn or to submit your own question, go to
http://advisor.parent-institute.com. All questions will receive
a prompt answer by e-mail.
Copyright 2006, The Parent Institute
"Ask the Learning Advisor -- Ideas for Raising Successful
Children" is a free, syndicated column from the Parent Institute.