 We had gone to bed late the night before because we were busy
packing for a trip we were going on the next day. Six o'clock in the
morning was the scheduled time of departure, and that was already
too early for my sleep-deprived body.Getting up at 4:30 a.m. was
pushing the bounds of common decency, and taking a shower one thin
wall away from my private slumber was enough to put me over the
edge. My red-rimmed eyes stared daggers at him as he emerged, fresh
as a daisy, from his early morning shower.
We had to drive for nine straight hours that day. After two cups
of coffee, he was good to go, while I dragged my carcass into the
passenger seat and slouched in misery. How dare he wake me up so
early when he knew I'd have to get up so early! In my delusional
state, I figured the extra hour and a half would've made a huge
difference in my disposition, but the truth is, I probably would've
been growling like an old bear anyway. The difference was simply
that I thought I had a reason this time.
I glared at him from the time it was too late to turn back until
he finally looked and me and said, "What?!"
Just like a man, I thought. He wants me to tell him what he did
wrong. So just like a woman, I said, "Nothing!"
After fuming for another hour I finally gave him what he'd been
asking for.
He said, "You're not very talkative today."
"That's because some people like to actually sleep at night! I'm
one of them!"
"What do you mean? I slept fine."
"Fine sleeping does not include getting up at 4-freakin'-30 in
the morning and taking a flippin' shower!"
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 "Oh. That's what you're so grouchy about."
He'd obviously never read the rule book on arguments, because it
clearly states that you're not supposed to call a grouchy person...
well, grouchy. They become downright hostile.
As I searched my feeble mind for a stunning comeback and came up
empty, he continued. "I had a dream about a wrinkled old lady who
smelled like fruit, kissing me..."
"You cheated on me in your dream?! With an old lady, yet?!"
"Yeah, and I felt so disgusting that I had to get up and take a
shower. I think I might need therapy."
Oh, he was good. He was real good. I started to wonder if I
should believe him or not. Then I considered the fact that if he
wanted to cheat on me in his dreams, he could have chosen anybody he
wanted to. He picked a wrinkled old lady... Then he took a shower
afterward. Well, maybe that wasn't so bad. In fact, maybe it was
even good.
Four-thirty wasn't that early, after all. And we did get an early
start, which meant we'd get to our destination earlier. In fact, I
started to think it may have been a brilliant idea!
But so help me, that man is dead meat if that wrinkled old lady
shows up in his dreams again tonight!
[Text from file received from Laura
Snyder]
You can reach the writer at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com. Or visit
www.lauraonlife.com for
more columns and info about her new book.
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