 He is a scientific and technological wizard who can't spell science
or technology with any amount of accuracy. I am a bookworm who once
thought that "booting" my computer meant kicking it in a soft spot.
My husband tells me that he doesn't need to know how to spell as
long as he knows how to operate a computer with a spell checker ...
which he does. So the only reason that knowing how to spell might be
considered an asset is if you were a writer ... which I am. So, it
all works out ... unless we take out the Scrabble board.
I want you to know that I was not the one who suggested playing
Scrabble. My husband, bless his heart, wanted to do something with
me instead of watching TV one night. So he suggested Scrabble. He
must've known that he didn't stand a chance of winning. Maybe he was
trying to make up for going into a laughing fit when I asked if my
anti-virus software would balance my checkbook.
Whatever the reason, he brought out the game with its little
wooden tiles -- tiles that, incidentally, we've never counted. If we
did, and found out that one was missing, then the game wouldn't be
playable any longer. Blissful ignorance has always been the best
policy with regard to game pieces at our house.
I let him start because, well, I knew I stood a pretty good
chance at winning. The least I could do was let him take the first
double-letter square. And as you must know, I always do the least I
can do.
He put down "HOP," probably because he knew he could spell it. He
said it was because the only other word he had was banned in 38
countries.
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Throughout the game, he'd put down non-words like "EVAIL" and "JAT"
because, other than cuss words, that's all he had. He questioned
nearly every word I put down because if you only knew how to spell
cuss words, it was the strategic thing to do. At some point, I
added "ING" to his "HOP." Then he decided that was a good idea. He
tried adding "ANAL" to "FATE." I objected because he was trying to
use a triple-word score. Then he tried adding "AFT" to "HOLE." I
raised an eyebrow as he looked at me rather sheepishly. His mind was
obviously in some distant porta-potty.
I put down "MAIZE." He insisted it was spelled wrong but said
he'd "take it." I know he refused to look it up because he'd lose a
turn if he was wrong. I told him that it was corn. He thought it was
funny that because we'd taken the kids to a corn maze for Halloween,
I thought a maze was corn. Hilarious.
He put down "ROW." I added a "DY" and got a double-word score for
my efforts. He put down "CHILE" on a triple word, but I had to tell
him not to use proper nouns.
"What's so proper about something that makes you toot?" he asked.
He picked them back up after I explained that CHILE was a country,
not a spicy stew. Then he looked at them a long, long time.
Finally, trying to be helpful, I asked, "Do you have any 'R's'?"
He answered, "Go fish! Got any 'I's'?"
[By LAURA SNYDER]
You can reach the writer at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
Or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more columns and info about her books.
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