 For example, some people might have had the Braces Years, the Silk
Shirt Phase or the Experimental Stage (which everyone knows has
something to do with illegal drugs and sex). Anyone who had an
Experimental Stage is a person who is not likely to take any
accepted theory for granted. There may be every reason not to do
something, but they must see for themselves regardless of the
massive amount of data on the subject already. My dad used to call
that "learning the hard way."Well, I never wore braces, couldn't
afford silk shirts, and science was never my forte. Instead of
experimenting, I simply took the known facts, put them together and
decided I'd live longer without experimenting. Because living longer
was an important part of my life plan, experimenting was not.
As I look back, the only thing that really defines the events in
my life is what was in my closets and cupboards at the time.
My earliest memories were of a Thumbelina doll that graced my toy
box (which is a child's equivalent of a cupboard). Those were my
Thumbelina Years, some of the best years of my life.
Next, when I became a little more mobile, a ratty old pair of
hand-me-down ice skates had an honored spot in my closet. Ice
skating was freedom to me, and I skated as soon as the first ice hit
the pond till the last thaw in the spring. I haven't gone ice
skating in many years, though. The last time I tried, about five
years ago, I fell on one knee and couldn't walk for two weeks. My
love affair with ice skating ended that day.
Then there were the years where everything in my closet and
drawers was made of jeans. Not only was every pair of pants I owned
made of denim, but I had sneakers, hats, jackets, socks, stationery,
purses, bathing suits and notebooks made of jean material. I even
covered my school books with jean material. When Bastad clogs came
on the scene and they didn't come in denim, I decided my Jeans Jaunt
was over.
After I married and started having children, the things in my
closets and cupboards changed quite a bit. Now I had things in my
cupboards that I never had before: diapers, bottles, binkies,
lotions and powders, cold medicine in flavors like bubblegum and
fruit punch, miniature spoons to use with miniature jars of pureed
food, and bibs to keep the pureed food off the bodies of the new
additions. I had dinnerware with cartoon characters on them and
placemats with the ABCs and 123s displayed next to the corresponding
pictures. I didn't even know what 409 was for until I had children.
Now I buy it by the case.
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 We went from high chair, to a booster, to "I'm too big for a
booster, so I'll kneel at the table and take my chances when I
randomly topple off."
The garage changed too. The tools were put up high so little
hands couldn't "test" my sliding glass door with a ball-peen hammer.
It was the only time in my life when I saw a tricycle and a wagon in
the garage. Those eventually turned into training wheels and Tonka
trucks. Then we moved on to mountain bikes and baseball bats.
In the living room we started with a bouncing chair suspended in
a doorway; then we moved on to a "walker," which really should be
called a "roller." Because we had a "roller," we needed fences where
we had stairs, lest our "roller" suddenly turn into a "tumbler."
In the bathroom, changes occurred as well. First there was a
singing potty chair with a color-changing pot for a direct hit.
Then, when it became possible for a toddler to climb up to the
"real" potty, there was a miniature potty seat that had 2-D fish
swimming in a blue gel for the savvy toddler's peeing pleasure.
There was also a Tupperware container of M&Ms for positive
motivation. Then we moved on to Lysol and paper towels because,
until hand-eye coordination is mastered, there tend to be a
multitude of yellow puddles that need disinfecting.
Since I have five kids spread out over 20 years, we have been in
many of these stages at the same time, which makes it even more
interesting. So my son's "It's Coming!" Stage (he was toilet
training) were the same as my daughter's Wearing a Diaper on Her
Head Phase (she thought she looked like a princess) and my older
son's Magic the Gathering Days (don't judge me) and the oldest son's
Learning How to Drive Era (aka The Whiplash Chronicles). These same
days were, understandably, my Departure From Sanity Years.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
You can reach the writer at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
Or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more columns and info about her books.
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