 Unfortunately, we're not the same person, and although we tried a
handful of times to create some beings that have all of our good
traits and none our bad ones, the results were simply miniatures of
us with a few added traits of their own. Their potential is still
awesome, but I'm afraid my husband and I are, individually, only
half of what we need to be for true "greatness."My husband is the
technologically wizard who has never figured out where the laundry
basket is or what it's for. He's brilliant. He understands how the
universe works and why you need to know what pi is. He's a "computer
whisperer." All he has to do is stand near my computer and it starts
functioning again, but he can't balance a checkbook to save his
soul.
He knows the periodic table by heart, can recite "Jabberwocky"
from start to finish, and has a photographic memory for every "Star
Trek" episode every aired. He knows how to program a computer in
five different languages and does that "just for fun," but he'll
have to try three drawers before he can find a fork.
He operates on a different plane of existence than I do.
I know things too. Things that amaze him.
For example, I know how to read music. I know by instinct when
fresh black cherries will arrive in the produce department. I know
how to get chocolate out of a carpet and what brand of band-aid
sticks best, but I can't operate the TV remote with any amount of
proficiency.
I know how to prune a rosebush, the difference between a debit
and a credit, that moss is found on the north side of a tree, and
the definition of the word "hypertrophied." (In case you're
wondering, it means obese.)
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I know what "present participle" means, how to stop a baby from
hiccuping, and the difference between a chickenpox rash and poison
ivy, but an error on my computer screen is the beginning of a really
bad day. My husband tries to help me learn.
"So, did you reboot your computer?" he asks.
"I think so."
"Can you see your task bar?"
"Uh-huh."
"Did you check if you have a floppy in your floppy drive?"
"Uh-huh?"
"You don't have a clue, do you?" he says shaking his head.
"Nope. And I'm not sure where to get one either. I asked a nice
lady at Wal-Mart and she said they were fresh out."
"Oh, brother."
"Hey! Don't mock me!" I said indignantly. "I bet you don't know
your own shoe size!"
"What's that got to do with your computer?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to sound smart."
[By LAURA SNYDER]
You can reach the writer at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
Or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more columns and info about her books.
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