 It's a sort of code. Everyone who's in contact with these children
must decipher the numbers: parents, siblings, grandparents,
teachers, day care providers and, if their numbers are really high,
parole officers.The numbers are tricky, though, and they might
change with any given day. This is why kids don't come with a
manual. We haven't invented a manual that could detect when it
needed to recalculate the numbers.
The numbers are how many times one has to be told to rinse the
noodles off the plate before placing it in the dishwasher. My
daughter's number was 37. She is 10 years old and, provided that she
receives regular booster shots, she is now cured. My son is a year
older, but I have not yet determined his number, although we are up
to 146 so far. So age is apparently not a factor here.
However, his number for cleaning his bedroom without being told
is only three. We're up to 362 for my daughter (and counting).
Clearly, the "not asking" part is moot after you reach the double
digits.
You see, if we parents knew what their numbers were in advance,
there would be no need to get frustrated or go around slamming
cupboard doors or kicking the cat. You'd think, "Well, that's the
68th time I've told him that. We only have 45 more to go."
What makes it even more challenging is the fact that the number
is different for each activity and each child.
For example: My son's number is 84 for "Don't wipe your hands on
your shirt while you're eating strawberries!" My daughter's number
is up to 188 so far, and the youngest has no shirts without
strawberry stains on them.
For "Take your shoes outside to shake out the mulch from the
playground!" my son's number was one. (He doesn't like mulch in his
shoes.) My daughter's number was zero. (She won't wear her shoes on
the playground.) The youngest apparently likes mulch in his shoes …
unless he is in my kitchen. I lost track of his number after we
reached 1,127. When he grows up and marries, I'll simply warn his
wife to have their kitchen floor done in mulch.
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Sometimes parents have some control over the numbers. We can make
them smaller with a little ingenuity. After herding everyone into
the car, I used to sit behind the wheel without turning on the car
until they remembered to fasten their seat belts. In this way, their
numbers were lower, but we were late for many events. Also, if you
have just one child who is oblivious to the hint, you still have to
tell him. Which, I think, brings up the question as to whether you
need to add that number to just the one child's tally or to all of
them. It's all very confusing, but I have found that an Excel
spreadsheet is helpful when you get into the higher numbers.
The problem is, if you don't know what their number for any
particular activity is supposed to be, how will you know when you're
supposed to blow a gasket?
Parents will wrongly assume that they should take their own
numbers and their spouse's numbers and average the two to find out
what their children's should be. Obviously, that kind of thinking
could put us all in the loony bin. "His number should be 22! Why are
we up to 347?"
Parents have, out of necessity, come up with a way to deal with
this mind-boggling number system by assigning an arbitrary number to
every child and determining that number to be our breaking point.
Haven't we all heard ourselves say, "If I've told you once, I've
told you a hundred times: Pee in the toilet, not in the general
vicinity!" So, that means the number would be 100 for each child,
and it could also be the same number for activities other than using
the bathroom. If you tend to have a shorter fuse, the arbitrary
number will, of course, be smaller.
This system isn't perfect, but … well … it's all we've got.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
You can reach the writer at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
Or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more columns and info about her books. |
