 Those have got to be the lamest words a doctor has ever spoken.I
know he's allergic to something! My first clue was the explosion of
hives down the side of his face, under his eyes, down his neck,
back, stomach and legs. My second clue, as if I needed another one,
was the fact that he's itching almost constantly.
The runner-up for "Most Lame Words from a Doctor" is "Tell him
not to scratch."
You can tell a 6-year-old not to scratch until you're blue in the
face (whatever that means), but if there's an itch, they will
scratch it, regardless of the infectious ramifications.
Six-year-olds live in the present. The imaginary future infection is
not an issue yet. They'll deal with that when they have to. In the
meantime ... there's this itch that needs to be scratched.
Meanwhile, I'm contributing to the national debt by buying every
anti-itch product on the market, trying to find one that will work
for my kid. First line of defense is Benadryl. He can't take the
capsules or tablets yet. He says his mouth is too small. You
wouldn't know it by the stream of constant yammering coming out of
it on a daily basis.
Liquid Benadryl goes in easy but comes right back out ... with a
vengeance ... mixed with whatever he had for lunch.
Chewables are ejected as well after various grotesque expressions
flit across his face and involuntary spasms pass through his body.
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 Finally, I found a "vanilla-mint" film that he tolerates melting
on his tongue, probably because it's "cool."
Anti-itch creams sting. Oatmeal baths ... well ... he has to take
a bath. As you know, that's inhumane. And calamine lotion, a
favorite from my youth, is pink and therefore it's "only for girls."
So what caused this dermatologic nightmare? It could have been
any one of a hundred things. A 6-year-old's day is just so full of
"firsts." Poison ivy or poison oak? It's possible. He knows what it
looks like and has been warned about it, but if it's between him and
a tree he wants to climb, he'll risk it; no doubt about it.
It's strawberry season. Maybe it's the plethora of
strawberry-related desserts and fruit salads we've been eating
lately.
Well, if we're considering berries, it could be the bushel of
mulberries he apparently ate straight from the patch he found. A
bushel is a conservative estimate based on the remarkable number of
purple stains he had all over his body. In fact, the mulberries
would be a very likely suspect if he was not already covered in
hives before he ate them. Oatmeal baths, by the way, may be fairly
good at easing itching, but they are stunningly ineffective at
removing mulberry stains from hive-covered 6-year-olds.
It might have been the chlorinated pool he was in the day before
the hives appeared, I suppose. I hope not. I can't imagine the boy
never being able to swim in a pool. I wonder if his doctor would
advise me to put oatmeal in the swimming pool?
Whatever it was, he's sure to get it again one day. Perhaps by
then, his life will be slightly less ... busy ... and narrowing down
the suspects will be a little easier.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
You can reach the writer at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
Or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more columns and info about her books. |
