Slim Randles'  Home Country

It Pays to Know the Person You Ask to Do Something

[March 01, 2008]  She shouldn't have asked Herb to do it. We all knew that, but there's this new teacher down at the elementary school, and she wasn't familiar with Herb's reputation. All she had heard, from one of the Johnson kids, was that Mr. Collins, who lived on their street, was a nice guy and raised bees and fishing worms.

What the teacher hadn't heard was that our dear Mr. Collins was a retired businessman who happened to be a frustrated stand-up comic, as well. Consequently, she invited Herb to come to Career Day and speak to her second-graders about the joys and pitfalls of raising bees and worms.

Herb wore his white bee suit to school... with a necktie. He brought a can of worms with him, and several bees in a glass jar with a lid on it and some holes poked in the lid.

"These are honeybees, kids," he said. "Can anyone tell me why we raise them?"

Hands flew up.

"To get honey!"

"Well, yes," Herb said. "How about another reason?"

"To pollinate apple orchards!"

"Well, that, too," Herb said. "But what's the main reason?"

Silence.

"The truth is, we brush them -- very carefully -- to get bee wool so we can make sweaters."

One hand raised slowly.

"But Mr. Collins, wouldn't they sting us?"

"That's why you have to brush them when they're asleep, usually between midnight and 4 in the morning."

The teacher looked perplexed.

"Mr. Collins, I've never heard of bee wool. Can you tell us what it is, exactly?"

"Certainly. It's very fine, of course, but it is still one step below 'A' wool."

Then Herb dampened a washcloth he'd brought with him and opened his can of worms. Picking a worm out of the earth, he held it up and watched it wiggle, then picked up the washcloth.

"Now, kids," Herb said, "it's time you learned about the importance of keeping your worms clean."

[Text from file received from Slim Randles]

Brought to you by "Sun Dog Days," at www.slimrandles.com, soon to be a minor motion picture.