 "Why not?" I asked."Because all the good things have been
invented already."
"Is that so?"
"Yes, it's so." he said. "The light bulb and the telephone and
the car are the most important inventions ever. Who could top
those?"
"Hmm." This conversation could cause me to point out "important
inventions" all day long. Of course, I realized that what I might
consider important and what an 11-year-old boy might consider
important were two vastly different things.
I could have started with every single appliance in my kitchen,
but instead I started with his Xbox.
"Oh yeah," he said. "That's important. A kid probably invented
that, though."
Yeah, 'cuz grown-ups can't make anything fun, I thought.
"How about computers, satellite systems, GPS, DVD players, TiVo
and anti-wrinkle cream?" I asked him.
"What's so great about anti-wrinkle cream?"
"Right. Good point. But what about air conditioning, night vision
goggles and the space shuttle?"
"Night vision goggles are cool. Who invented those?" he wondered.
"Some peeping Tom most likely. Have you thought about where we'd
be without Velcro, zippers and snaps?"
"Naked?" he grinned.
"Well, yes, now that you mention it. But you see how important
all of these inventions are?"
"But that's what I'm trying to say, Mom; there's nothing good
left."
"Baloney. Weren't you just telling me yesterday that you wished
there were such a thing as an automatic nose-blower? You could
invent that!"
"Eeewww! How many times would I have to try it before it worked?"
"Ye ... ah. I wouldn't start with that one, if I were you."
My son is smart in many ways, and I have no doubt that he could
invent something important one day. He just needs to use his
imagination a little more.
[to top of second column]
 |
 As a matter of fact, I've thought of a few things the world needs
just in the time I've been writing this column.
What if we never had to mow the lawn again? We could have a laser
lawn cutter. It would use a laser that would shoot out an inch above
the ground and cut every blade of grass to the exact height in one
pass!
Of course you'd need a very flat lawn with no trees or lawn
furniture on it, because this bad boy could fell a 50-foot long-leaf
pine tree and turn your beagle into a dachshund in less time than it
takes to say, "Here, Stumpy. Here, boy!"
OK, so maybe the laser lawn cutter needs to go back to the
drawing board. But you've got to admit, it could be good in certain
circumstances. Like at 2 a.m. in Death Valley, perhaps? Wait ... no
grass.
How about a car that anticipates driver negligence -- the other
driver, that is. Every time a car pulls into your lane inches from
your bumper, your car turns into a giant neon sign flashing him a
digital bird. When the guy in front of you leaves his left turn
signal on for the last 10 miles, a bobblehead band pops out of your
front grill and serenades him with "You're So Lame" -- our lyrics
sung to the tune of Carly Simon's hit single. A simpler version --
no bobbleheads -- could be connected to your horn.
Let's get creative here! Golfers, cut to the chase! Instead of
flailing in vain at the links every day, why not have golf balls
with homing devices? You'd get all the exercise with none of the
aggravation. Think of how many 9-irons would be spared the
wrap-around-the-tree treatment.
As long as we're inventing things that could be considered mere
crutches for lunatics, how about memory chips for humans?
There could be a chip for all the economics classes you took in
college. Perhaps one for when you find yourself in a convention for
theoretical physicists and need to be smart ... fast. Just pop that
thing in, and voila! You're spouting quantum physics as if you were
Stephen Hawkings' lab partner.
I need one that will simply allow me to remember my children's
names when I am talking to one of them.
"So you see ... son ... whatever your name is; the sky's the
limit! Now, go invent something."
[By LAURA SNYDER]
You can reach the writer at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
Or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more columns and info about her books. |
