Their clothes are left at the dry cleaner so long that they're
relegated to the lost-and- found bin.
But these women are happy!
They don't care about what others think about them, so there is no
stress about their apparent incompetence. I call these women the
If you care about what others think, you will be under a massive
amount of stress almost constantly. These women are called the
"Stressed-Out Ones." (How original, I know.) Not only will the
paper-signing become of paramount importance, but so will fashion,
nutrition, fitness, beauty and political correctness. The entire
family will have to adhere to the strict rules set in these
categories because if they don't ... people will talk.
If you are a Lucky One, it's nothing to ask an acquaintance for
your home phone number because you've forgotten it. Hey, you hardly
ever call home, how would you remember such a thing?
Stressed-Out Ones would rather walk three miles than ask such a
dumb question, because ... people will talk.
Men have it easy. They never talk about such things when they get
together. Imagine a group of men getting together to watch a
football game and "roasting" another man while he is not present.
"Did you see Mr. X's shoes?"
"Yeah. Where'd he get them? Wal-Mart?"
"Probably. He dresses his kids the same way."
"Really? According to him, his kids are perfect."
"Yeah. Perfectly awful."
Women are so detail-oriented that they pick up on everything.
Lord help you if you are with a bunch of women and your hand
drifts anywhere near your face or hair.
Scratch your nose and they might think, "Was she picking her
[to top of second column]
Move the hair out of your eyes and they wonder, "Does she have
lice?" or "When is she going to cut that mop?"
The Lucky Ones
don't know about these things, and that is why they are so lucky.
If, for whatever reason makes sense to you, a Lucky One would choose
to be a Stressed-Out One, though, there are a few rules of thumb of
which I have recently been made aware:
Keep your hands
away from the rest of your body, even if you have to sit on
them. If you have to sit on them, do it palms down.
Never drink soda
that is not diet unless it's being used as a mixer. Drunk people
are not looked down upon for their sugar intake.
Even if you have a
special kind of love for white-powdered doughnuts, never bring
them to a social function.
When you hear of a
59-year-old woman or a 14-year-old girl having a baby, never
express your shock or dismay. This, apparently, is a happy
If you don't
tweeze your eyebrows to a pencil-thin line, you will be
considered a hick.
You must jog at
least five miles a day, work out three times a week, and do
yoga, Pilates or tai chi. Then you must -- and this is important
-- express your dissatisfaction with your perfect body.
Never say anything nice about your
husband or kids. If you can't say anything nasty, don't say
anything at all.
Note to Lucky Ones aspiring to be Stressed-Out Ones: If you don't
adhere strictly to these rules ... people will talk.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
You can reach the writer at
Or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more columns and info about her books.