 Dragging myself to the bathroom, I stepped on a Lego man and stubbed
my toe on the rocking chair. That's the third toe this week. Either
I have to move that chair or acquire more toes. As for that Lego man
... he's goin' down!I ate my Cheerios and choked down some
vitamins. By that time, I could see clearly enough to turn on my
computer and then ... and then I checked my e-mail.
Suddenly my computer went whatever the digital version of insane
is. There were red things flashing on the screen, sirens and
whistles, beeping. I felt like I had just stepped into the Cash Cab.
I read the words "Trojan Horse" on the screen and "Security
Threat." Even in my digitally challenged world, I knew that this was
not good.
The e-mail with the issue had a return address that ended with
the letters "za." Some computer genius living in a Third World
country, no doubt. He had some time on his hands and an axe to grind
and apparently decided he'd like to make his mark on history in the
same way as Bonnie and Clyde and Blackbeard, but with a less
labor-intensive activity. I was simply his mark.
Why hasn't he been caught yet? I mean, there can't be that many
countries that begin with the letter "z." There's Zimbabwe ... I
think. And Zealand: the new one and the old one. And Zamboni,
probably. Tell me, how many computer geniuses could there possibly
be in a country called Zamboni? He should be easy to catch. Perhaps
Zamboni doesn't have an FBI or homeland security.
Anyway, my husband happens to be a computer genius, but he was in
the shower. So I did the only thing I could under the circumstances:
I went to the kitchen and turned the hot water on full blast until I
heard him mutter an obscenity and turn the shower off.
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Then I yelled to him through the bathroom door, "Honey, my computer
is about to blow up!" Now, just between you and me, I knew it
probably wouldn't actually blow up, but I had to say something
sufficiently ominous that would lure him out of the bathroom.
He opened the door with a towel wrapped around his waist. Hm ...
sexy ... but first things first. I've got a computer in imminent
danger of a full-blown crash!
I grabbed his hand. "Come on, my computer's in melt-down mode and
only you can save it, Technoman!" He responds faster when I talk to
him like he's a superhero.
Technoman took one look at the computer, said, "Interesting ..."
and clicked on one button. The threat immediately disappeared and my
computer was back to normal.
"Kind of anticlimactic, isn't it?" I mumbled.
"Yeah," our towel-draped superhero says. "But I think our hot
water heater is broken. The shower was cold."
I looked away. "Imagine that."
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info.
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