 No, the trend I am referring to is traffic circles. They are popping
up everywhere. Where there once was a signal or a four-way stop, now
there is a traffic circle, or a decision loop, as my husband and I
appropriately call them.Decision loops have been employed in
abundance all over Europe, but just like your bathtub drains in the
opposite direction in the Southern Hemisphere, decision loops go in
the opposite direction in the Eastern Hemisphere. Don't ask me why.
It's probably a matter of gravitational pull or the theory of
relativity or something.
We call them decision loops because they give the mentally frail
a little time to figure out where they were supposed to be going.
Green lights tend to trigger brain malfunctions in a certain
percentage of people, myself included.
This phenomenon requires me to wait a second or two after the
light changes so the haze will clear and my destination will become
clear again. Unfortunately, that second or two is way too long for
the person behind me, and he will start tooting his horn, which
makes my thoughts scatter again. This is why three-point turns were
invented.
Decision loops make it possible for me to keep moving while my
brain train gets back on track and determines my intentions for
being there.
I can enter the loop thinking, "Now where am I going?" I will do
an entire lap before it comes to me, "Oh yeah, I needed a watering
can. Now where am I going to get one of those?"
I make another lap as the options slowly come to me. "I could go
to Wal-Mart, but I'd have to park a half-mile from the doors. Wait,
wasn't there a coupon for one somewhere?"
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 One more time around the decision loop before I realize, "Wait a
minute, I bought the watering can yesterday! What I really need is
laundry detergent ... and that's at the grocery store!"
In triumph, I finally take the correct exit off the decision loop
and head in the direction of the grocery store.
Taking out of the equation the fact that such a deranged person
shouldn't be given a license, decision loops are, in general, a
useful tool to keep traffic moving while brain malfunctions recover.
Of course, there are a select few who think it's wise to make
their recovery while stopped dead inside the circle. No amount of
waving and dirty looks will spur them into making any hasty
decisions. Perhaps they're embarrassed about making a few laps until
their destination pops into mind, but really, the only people who
would know are the other brain-malfunctioning people doing laps, and
clearly, they can hardly blame anyone else.
The only time decision-lapping might become a problem is if the
decision loop is too small to accommodate the required number of
lappers. This is rare; however, I'm convinced it does happen from
time to time.
In fact, in many areas of Europe, the decision loops are merely a
white dot the size of a large pizza painted in the middle of an
intersection. My minivan couldn't do laps around a pizza; that's why
Europeans drive small cars.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info. |
