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It started with what I thought was a benign comment that went
something like, "I probably should get a new computer." Since my
brother and I had been trying to tell Mom that her old computer had
probably been harboring dinosaur poop and that is why it was so
slow, I agreed with her statement wholeheartedly.
Apparently, my agreement meant that shopping for a new computer
with my mother was now my obligation. If I had only known, I might
have told her that everyone waits an hour and a half for their
computer to boot up.
She had decided she wanted a laptop, but she didn't inform me of
that pertinent fact until we had looked at a large assortment of
desktop models because she told me she wanted an inexpensive one.
Desktops are inexpensive, laptops are not. How was I to know?
"It would be so much easier to carry a skinny computer around,"
she said, "but what do I do with the big box?"
"There is no tower with a laptop, Mom. Everything you need is
right there in the laptop."
Looking at the nearest laptop in awe, she asked, "Even my e-mail
addresses?"
Trying to explain that Windows Vista would be a little different
than her Windows bicentennial version was a mistake.
"What's Windows?"
"It's the program that runs your computer."
"No, it isn't. Mine is Hewlett-Packard."
"No, Mom. It's not the outside, it's the inside. It's what's in
your computer. Like pictures in a camera."
Shaking her head she said, "I've only got e-mail and solitaire in
mine. Will the new one have pictures?"
For a moment, I considered getting her a pen, some nice
stationery and a deck of cards. It would be cheaper and a lot less
aggravating.
She finally picked out a model. As the cashier scanned the
computer and the case (because how would she carry it?), she said,
"I really didn't want to spend that much money."
I rolled my eyes and gritted my teeth like any teenage daughter
who felt her mom was being unreasonable.
"Maybe if you ask the nice cashier, he'll give you a $400
discount, just because you didn't want to spend that much money."
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Mom called me two days later and said she'd never "get the hang
of" the "finger-thingy," and her new computer didn't have solitaire.
"The finger-thingy is no different than your mouse, Mom. It just
takes some getting used to. As for the solitaire, have you ever
tried it with a deck of cards?"
"Oh, don't be silly, Laura. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I won
$46,000 playing Wheel of Fortune yesterday, but I don't think the
computer is actually going to give me the money," she said with a
hopeful question in her voice.
"I wouldn't count on it," I said.
"Your sister sent me an e-mail with a picture of the kids. How do
I print it?"
"Well, first you have to save it to My Pictures."
"Why your pictures?" she asked.
"Not mine, yours."
"You said your pictures."
"My Pictures, not Your Pictures."
"Now wait a minute," she said, aggravated. "These are my
pictures!"
"I know! ... Oh, never mind!"
Mom had trouble finding her Favorites as well, because Windows of
the Dark Ages had it spelled out. Vista assumes nobody can read.
"OK, Mom, find the star in the top left-hand corner of the
screen."
"A star ... a star? Nope. No star."
"No big yellow star?"
"Oh! A yellow star! Why didn't you say so?"
The next day, I saw my brother and announced, "Mom's got a new
computer. Guess what you'll be doing next weekend?"
He winced. "Oh, Laura, what have you done?"
He doesn't have to go over there. He could hook up a wireless
network for her over the telephone, but ... I wouldn't advise it.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
You can reach the writer at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
Or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more columns and info about her books. |
