 You start by not calling it work. There will come a time when your
child will realize that every time you want to "play a game," it
means that the hall closet needs to be cleaned out or that someone
has flung toothpaste on the toilet seat again. But until that time,
"Let's play a game" is a good way to develop a good work ethic.
The first time you say, "Let's play a game," and they groan and
vanish into thin air, you'll know the jig is up. Then you need to
start offering incentives (aka bribes).
"I've got cookies and milk for anyone who cleans their room
before they go to bed!"
Of course, you've always got that one child who thinks he should
have cookies and milk anyway. This is the child who will one day
call you at 3 in the morning because he can't get your car out of
the ditch because his "friend" puked in the driver's seat.
I digress. Cookies and milk.
There will also come a time when your children realize that
foodstuffs and praise will not buy them a Nerf gun, and so nothing
says "I need a volunteer" like cold, hard cash.
My children have daily chores that they do just because it's
something that needs to be done. They don't get an allowance for
that because there will always be jobs they have to do where there
is no compensation whatsoever. However, they know that if they want
to earn some money, I've always got a list of jobs that are "for
pay."
One pearl of wisdom that I have learned in 26 years of motherhood
is that if you need a job done, simply take the kids to Wal-Mart.
Show them what's available if only they had enough money. The key
here is that you must not let them talk you into buying what they
want, even if they have a meltdown right there in the Lego aisle.
You simply give them an opportunity to earn it.
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In time, they will be falling all over themselves to take on the
"paying jobs" before any of their siblings snatch them all up. They
will do whatever it takes: cleaning the garage, bleaching grout,
painting the deck, cleaning the spider webs out from between the
storm windows, you name it. This works so well that I have begun
to leave Toys"R"Us circulars around the house. When they want
something to read at night, I give them a BMX magazine and Go-Cart
Digest.
Alas, there will again come a time when this doesn't work either.
Maybe they realize that there's no room to drive a go-cart on our
half-acre lot. Maybe someone at school knocked his teeth out of his
head on a BMX and now he talks with a lisp. Perhaps they simply
outgrew the idea and realized that what they really wanted was a
Lamborghini. I've got smart kids. They know that getting a
Lamborghini is not possible by raking leaves or washing windows.
They've done the math.
So then you start issuing subtle threats like: "Do you like
sleeping on a bed?" Or, "Would you like to continue eating three
square meals a day?" These work, but nobody likes to work under
duress. As Tom Sawyer discovered, it's so much easier when someone
wants to do the work.
Then they go to college and it takes an act of God to get help.
So you hire a kid for the yardwork who still has visions of go-carts
dancing in his head. Then, when you need a roof put on, you appeal
to your child's sense of guilt.
"Remember all those years I didn't strangle you?"
Their memory is not as clear on these things as yours is, so if
you need a roof put on, you simply have to supply the beer and
pizza.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info. |
