I had supposed that we would be flipping bad guys over our backs and
rendering them unconscious. Apparently, our instructor had other,
more logical options to show us when it came to self-defense.The
first thing he taught us was how to make ourselves "heavy," so that
the bad guy couldn't pick us up and walk away with us. I pegged this
as the one area in which I could really excel. I can do heavy!
My daughter, however, was about 4 1/2 feet of skinny nothingness.
How would she make herself heavy without toting two 20-pound frozen
turkeys with her?
She wouldn't even need to worry about getting picked up if she
held those two turkeys, one in each hand, and spun around in
circles. But... how to stop?
The class was free, so I wasn't sure whether I was allowed to ask
questions. Eventually, the instructor did ask if there were any
questions and I asked the first thing on my mind:
"Suppose my daughter wasn't shopping for turkeys that day. How
would she make herself heavy?"
Clearly, he thought I was one brick shy of a full load because he
said, "‘Heavy' is a figure of speech."
I'm not as dumb as I look, so I said, "Of course it is. It's an
adjective."
He started over, rolling his eyes for some reason. "By ‘heavy,' I
mean that you have to make it so that it is easier to let you go
than to move you.
It seemed to me that not wearing deodorant would have the same
effect, but it would be just my luck that my attacker wouldn't have
showered that day either. In which case, he'd be immune to my
stench. I probably should keep my ears open and my mouth shut.
[to top of second column]
 |
 I was too dense to take my own advice:
Our instructor told us that he was going to teach us how to
fall...
"Um... Excuse me, Mr. Black Belt, sir. I'm pretty good at
falling. Can we move on to flipping bad guys?"
"Mrs. Snyder, I'm going to teach you the right way to fall, so
that you can get back up again."
"You mean there are falling options?" I pictured myself falling
in slow motion and twisting like my cat until I was on all fours.
That would be a better way to fall! Chances are, I've been doing it
wrong all along, because it usually hurts when I fall.
He demonstrated a controlled backward fall. We tried to mimic him
and I cracked my head on the mat. My teeth bounced off one another
and my eyes crossed in pain. Yep, I remember, now. Falling hurts a
lot like that.
My instructor wasn't even watching me. He was praising my
daughter for doing it correctly.
Well, of course, she did it right! The ground isn't as far from
her head as it is mine!
Pain aside, the lessons had taught us to be more conscious about
our surroundings and how to protect ourselves in a dangerous
situation. The main lesson that was stressed was to try to stay out
of dangerous situations. Every woman and child should take a course
like this one.
When we got back home, I was sore, but enlightened. My daughter
was both more confident and more cautious. She wanted to go to a
friend's house to show her what she had learned.
Maybe I was a little too cautious, but I told her she couldn't go
because we didn't have any turkeys for her to take with her.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info. |
