Mothers o f toddlers, I feel your pain.Mothers of elementary
school kids, oh my gosh!
But mothers of teenagers? There is a special place in heaven just
for you!
Our not-quite-adults, those special units who think they know
everything, have not yet gained the common sense or memory retention
you'd think would have been established after over a decade of
living with you.
They are starting high school, possibly dating and are soon to
obtain a job to pay for said dates. There should be a measure of
common sense involved with these activities. However, experts say
that one's brain is not fully developed until age 21. This means
that common sense and memory retention are only operating at half
strength. The kid thinks he knows everything, yet he can't even
remember to do the same chore that has been assigned to him every
day for the past six years. When you gently remind him (he calls it
nagging) he says, "I know!"
"So then, you're simply not doing it even though you know you're
supposed to?"
"I just haven't had time."
"I can see that you are extremely busy ... NOT doing anything at
all!"
"Maybe I'm not going to do it today."
"Maybe you'll have to sleep on the hood of the minivan tonight."
"I could sleep inside it..."
"Not unless you can magically unlock it."
"I could break a window..."
"I could break your PSP..."
This is the kind of person who will soon be allowed behind the
wheel of a vehicle capable of going 120 miles per hour. Of course,
we will highly suggest that he doesn't do 120 miles per hour and,
because he listens soooo well, we are absolutely assured that he
will be a safe driver. (Did you hear the sarcasm?)
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 One of the tasks that parents of a new teenager must do is
somehow put together an academic life-plan with the aforementioned
knucklehead.
My husband and I are probably among the lucky ones. Our
soon-to-be high-schooler has known what he wants to do for a long
time. It goes hand in hand with the whole "I know" syndrome. This is
one of the positive sides of the "I know" syndrome, but it doesn't
make the task any easier.
The core classes, he says, will be boring, except for the ones he
likes. The ones he likes will probably be too easy because, like I
said, he knows everything already.
The first thing you have to know is the requirements of the
college he will attend 4 1/2 years from now. How will we know which
college he will attend when the teenager in question changes his
mind with every breath he takes? Yesterday, he "hated" mashed
potatoes. Today they're "not so bad." Next week it's, "What are you
talking about? I've always liked mashed potatoes."
Next, you have to decide how difficult the courses should be. If
you let your teenager slide through high school with low-level
courses, it won't matter what college he wants to go to. They won't
have him. If you suggest courses that are more difficult, he may
fail the class on purpose just to prove it was too difficult. That
is the extended "I know ... and you don't know" syndrome. It is the
same syndrome as the "I know," but the last part is unsaid, though
understood by all.
The trick here is to get your little know-it-all to choose
courses you've already decided, through much planning and research,
are the ones that will better his chances of getting into whatever
college is on his radar 4 1/2 years from now.
It must be his choice. You must gently, without detection, lead,
guide, coerce, urge, bargain with, bribe or pay him off. You just
can't force him, because teenagers are a different breed. And
parents... you still gotta love 'em.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info.
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