"I love to touch you. You're so... mooshy."
I sat up straight and
looked at him.
"Mooshy?" I ask. My tone was daring him to answer.
He got that deer-in-the-headlights look and said, "I meant
"Mooshy?" I asked again. I got up and flounced off to the other
room. When you are as mooshy as I am, flouncing comes easy. You
might even say that I have perfected the art of flouncing.
I heard him mumble disgustedly, "I meant it as a good thing."
When the best thing your husband can say about you is that you're
mooshy, you know you need to exercise.
There's that word again. You would think a busy life would
qualify as exercise, but apparently it's not the kind of exercise
that gets rid of mooshiness.
There must be a certain kind of exercise that does that, but I've
never heard anyone say, "If you want to get rid of your mooshiness,
you need to do... this..." I could exercise for six months and still
find that I was still mooshy.
There are certain exercises that are very difficult for someone
who has two bowling balls hanging off her chest. OK, men, don't get
excited. They're not that big, but when I am doing jumping jacks,
they feel like they are. In fact, they are probably getting more
exercise than the rest of me. That string of earthquakes we had this
year? I believe my jumping jacks caused them.
[to top of second column]
Trying to do sit-ups with the weight equivalent of a 2-year-old
sitting on my chest is near impossible. If only they were
Giving birth should qualify as exercise, what with all the
grunting and sweating going on, but it doesn't seem to get rid of
the mooshies. If it did, I would look like a supermodel. Instead, it
loosened up all my plumbing, and now when I try to exercise, I
spring a leak. Nature was not kind to women.
I'm not saying that I'm not going to try, but the kind of
exercises that I can do without damaging myself or anything within
range are not likely to be the ones that can fix the mooshies.
I don't really want to be mooshy but... my husband seems to like
"Say it again."
"Tell me that you love me even though I'm mooshy."
"I love you... because you're mooshy."
I can live with that.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info.