Laura on Life

The mooshies

By Laura Snyder

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[May 28, 2010]  We're snuggled up in front of the TV -- the beginning of a romantic evening. He's rubbing my back and I'm playing with his hair. Then he opened his mouth:

"I love to touch you. You're so... mooshy."

I sat up straight and looked at him.

"Mooshy?" I ask. My tone was daring him to answer.

He got that deer-in-the-headlights look and said, "I meant soft..."

"Mooshy?" I asked again. I got up and flounced off to the other room. When you are as mooshy as I am, flouncing comes easy. You might even say that I have perfected the art of flouncing.

I heard him mumble disgustedly, "I meant it as a good thing."

When the best thing your husband can say about you is that you're mooshy, you know you need to exercise.

There's that word again. You would think a busy life would qualify as exercise, but apparently it's not the kind of exercise that gets rid of mooshiness.

There must be a certain kind of exercise that does that, but I've never heard anyone say, "If you want to get rid of your mooshiness, you need to do... this..." I could exercise for six months and still find that I was still mooshy.

There are certain exercises that are very difficult for someone who has two bowling balls hanging off her chest. OK, men, don't get excited. They're not that big, but when I am doing jumping jacks, they feel like they are. In fact, they are probably getting more exercise than the rest of me. That string of earthquakes we had this year? I believe my jumping jacks caused them.

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Trying to do sit-ups with the weight equivalent of a 2-year-old sitting on my chest is near impossible. If only they were detachable...

Giving birth should qualify as exercise, what with all the grunting and sweating going on, but it doesn't seem to get rid of the mooshies. If it did, I would look like a supermodel. Instead, it loosened up all my plumbing, and now when I try to exercise, I spring a leak. Nature was not kind to women.

I'm not saying that I'm not going to try, but the kind of exercises that I can do without damaging myself or anything within range are not likely to be the ones that can fix the mooshies.

I don't really want to be mooshy but... my husband seems to like it.

"Say it again."

"Say what?"

"Tell me that you love me even though I'm mooshy."

"I love you... because you're mooshy."

I can live with that.


Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist, author and speaker. You can reach her at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com or visit www.lauraonlife.com for more info.

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