 "Hi, Mom. I just called to say hi. Talk to ya later!"My son
called just to say hi? I'm not buying it. He's in some kind of
trouble. I'd better call back.
"You've reached 555-1234. Clearly I'm not here right now. If you
wanna talk to me, leave a message." BEEP!
"Son, you need to change your message. It's very disrespectful. I
didn't raise you that way. What will people think?" BEEP!
For heaven's sake, he could at least try to be friendly. What if
it's somebody calling about a job offer or something? And where the
heck is he?
First, he leaves a message of sheer desperation. Then he doesn't
answer his phone. It's enough to give me a stroke! He could be bound
and gagged by Rwandan terrorists. He probably doesn't think that's
important enough to tell me.
BEEP! "Hi, Mom. Got your message to change my message. Is that
all you wanted to say?"
Now he wants me to beg for information! He's the one who needs
help. I should call him back...
"You've reached 555-1234. Clearly, I'm not here right now. If you
wanna talk to me, PLEASE leave a message." BEEP!
Well, he did say "please." That's something...
"Hello, Son. I was merely returning your call. Perhaps you will
tell me what you need. I can't read your mind, you know. Why don't
you ever answer your phone? Do you owe somebody money?"
Three hours later... BEEP! "Mom, I don't owe anybody money. I
don't answer my phone because it never rings when I'm home. And I
don't need anything. Now, maybe you could tell me why you are
calling? By the way, do you like my new message? My friends think I
sound desperate."
Maybe his friends were raised by wolves. Not my problem.
[to top of second column] |
 So, it's probably not Rwandan terrorists. He sounds too...
robust... for being tortured. They probably wouldn't let him call
his mother anyway.
What could it be? Tax season is over. His car is in good shape.
If he had lost his girlfriend, we would see him more often and I
wouldn't be having an affair with his answering machine.
Maybe he has a rash? Or his washing machine broke? Who am I
kidding? He doesn't use his washing machine. Maybe he's home now...
"Clearly I'm not here. Would you be so kind as to tape an oral
communiqué after you hear a rather obnoxious beep?" BEEP!
"You're a real comedian, Son! The terrorists must've warped your
brain. This is your mother. Now, since you called me first, it is
proper etiquette to inform me as to your status: financial, physical
and mental. Well, forget the mental -- your answering machine has
been quite forthcoming about that one.
"Don't make me come over there, boy! You know you'd be
embarrassed to invite me in!" BEEP!
Sometimes you just have to play hardball...
BEEP! "I'm fine, Mom. I just called to say I love you, but I
didn't want to say it to your answering machine. Um...
terrorists?... really?"
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info. |
