 My mother got tricked into it late in life. Apparently, she had too
much time on her hands and someone suggested chasing a little white
ball around perfectly manicured lawns with the hope of hitting it
into a tiny hole using only a modified broomstick. She said, "Why
not?" as someone with too much time on their hands would say.Now,
my mother spends a great majority of that extra time complaining
about how that little ball won't go into that hole.
The sport is set up to turn perfectly sane people into raving
lunatics. How many innocent trees have suffered a club wrapped
around them by some unhinged golfer?
As if it wasn't hard enough to get that ball into the proper
hole, there are hazards to avoid: sand traps, water traps and other
golfers. Two of these will ruin a golfer's entire day. The other
will sue you for everything you own.
The trick is to know when your ball might go in another golfer's
direction and yell "fore!" Of course, nobody is aiming for people;
the ball simply has a mind of its own.
Therefore, even though you are not aiming for another golfer, you
have to predict when your ball might be in that kind of a mood.
You yell "fore!" because... well, I don't know why you'd yell
"fore!" If you wanted someone to be aware that a tiny cannonball had
just been launched in their direction, you should yell "incoming!"
or "DUCK!"
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 |
 On the other hand, you should probably yell "DUCK!" only if there
was a duck being launched. At least then the unsuspecting target
would know what to look for.
Accordingly, if you wanted a potentially endangered golfer to
know what they were about to be hit by, you should not yell "DUCK!"
or "fore!" You should yell "golf ball!" Just one more aspect of the
game I don't understand.
The only thing that makes sense about golf is that, between the
destruction of golf clubs and the dodging of ballistic missiles, it
is a great way to get together with a group of friends and
socialize. People will do some strange things simply to have a
reason to spend time together. I am guilty of playing bunco so that
I can talk to adults and eat great food. Golf is a similar, more
aggressive, pointless diversion.
I will caution anyone thinking about taking up golf:
Never practice alone. The golf gods are famously capricious. If
by some stroke of miraculous good fortune, you should happen to sink
a hole-in-one, it almost certainly will happen when nobody is around
to see it.
It happened to my mother. At least, that's what she says.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info. |
