 Well, it's not dreamy in a romantic sort of way, because our kids
will be coming with us, but it's still a dream trip because we never
thought it would happen.In fact, it hasn't happened yet. There
could still be a blizzard on the day of our departure. Or a glitch
in the reservations. Or maybe Air Force One will break down and the
president will need to commandeer our flight.
So when will the dreams ensue? ... The ones about palm trees and
hula skirts swaying in the breeze?
Since my husband booked the trip, I have been having a series of
nightmares centered around the trip and my children. Not dreams at
all.
They are somewhat based on my children's irrational
apprehensions. Some of them are about getting through airport
security with three squirrelly kids.
My son thinks that if he brings an extra battery pack for his PSP,
security will think it's a bomb. Lights will glare and sirens will
blare and armed men will whisk him away to spend the rest of his
days in a high-security prison.
My daughter wants to know if she should wear sandals instead of
sneakers. Why? She thinks that if she wears sandals, she won't have
to take them off for security, because there is nowhere to hide a
weapon in a pair of sandals.
Poor delusional child. Security is checking breast implants for
explosives. Surely her sandals will not be spared.
Because of a movie preview he saw on TV, my youngest is convinced
that if we are on a plane too long and I fall asleep, all of my
children will be kidnapped.
I tried to reassure him, but he was not to be mollified. Finally,
I asked him where he thought a kidnapper would hide three kids at an
altitude of 30,000 feet.
He told me after some consideration: "He could just put us in the
air vents."
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 "Well, then, that will be the first place I look," I said.
"OK. As long as we have a plan," he said -- as if we were going
into a battle zone.
All of their worries combined in my own subconscious and
manifested themselves in my nightmares.
One nightmare boy announced to a flight attendant that his PSP
was actually a bomb. We happened to be going over Siberia at the
time. (Yes, we were going to Hawaii by way of Siberia. Nightmares
are not known to be reasonable.) After his announcement, we were
pushed out the emergency exit door and landed in 10 feet of snow.
That gave a whole new meaning to the word "grounded." Nightmare
mom grounded nightmare boy.
Another nightmare had us all in line at security. They let me and
my husband go through to the next of five hundred more lines, but my
kids were suspect. As our line moved, we were pushed farther away
from our kids and couldn't get back to them. We had to go Hawaii
without them. I still wonder if that was really a nightmare.
I am not worried about kidnappers on the plane, but apparently I
am worried that my youngest will take it into his head to explore
the airport and accidentally get on a plane headed to some Third
World country where child slavery is legal.
I think that maybe my subconscious is manufacturing obstructions
to our trip because it never thought we'd be able to go. I wonder
if, after the shock has worn off, my subconscious will start playing
those palm trees and hula skirt dreams.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info.
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