 Parents have to choose very early which of the plethora of manners
is most important to them and what will be least tolerated when a
transgression occurs.Let's face it; there are a lot of
manners-related issues out there. We're not going to be able to
enforce them all unless you hire full-time manners police to follow
your children around all day.
Dining is a large slice of the manners pie -- one that most
parents will have ample opportunity to monitor because many meals
are taken as a family.
However, I think some parents still let a few things slide
because otherwise they will be so busy correcting manners that they
won't get anything to eat. After all, it is not polite to lecture
your children with your mouth full.
Most parents compromise on manners. If they could just get their
kids to stop making disgusting noises at the table, they could
probably get used to elbows on the table. Some think that the worse
transgression is wiping one's mouth with one's sleeve. Some simply
wish their kids would wipe their mouths with something, anything. If
they could correct that by the time they go to college, it would be
considered a real accomplishment.
Some lucky parents have been able to correct the more offensive
behavior and can move on to the placing of the napkin on one's lap
and the many reasons why one shouldn't stand in one's chair.
I applaud those intrepid parents who have successfully taught
their children to say "no, sir" and "yes, ma'am." My children not
only forget to which gender they are talking, but they have
developed a series of grunts that I have had to learn to interpret.
One thing on which I do insist is "please" and "thank you." To
me, those two are the hallmarks of civility. If my kids do not say
those words at the appropriate times, they will see daggers spitting
from my eyes.
Those words will never go out of style. They were as essential in
the past -- "Please help me fasten my corset" -- as they will be in
the future: "Thank you for the flux capacitor."
However, I have recently been informed by my 14-year-old, who
notices things like this, that there is a thank-you paradox.
This paradox is not an uncommon occurrence, so it is surprising
that my son was the first I've ever heard to coin this phrase.
Because my son tends to quote characters in sitcoms made for kids
with very little to do, he may very well have stolen the credit for
this from some Disney witch or a couple of twins who live on a
cruise ship. Of course, if you have the power to smite your teachers
or you live on a floating amusement park, you don't really need
credit for anything.
[to top of second column] |
 In the back seat of my minivan, I heard this conversation after a
discussion about being polite:
Son: "Do you want a piece of gum?"
Daughter: "Oh, thank you. That's very kind of you."
(I want to say right here that, no, this is not how they normally
sound. Only when they are way overstating a point I was trying to
make.)
Son: "Thank you. That's nice of you to say."
Daughter: "Thank you..."
Son: "Wait. Shouldn't somebody be saying ‘you're welcome,' here,
Mom? I think I've found a thank-you paradox."
Mom: "And it was going so well there for a moment."
Son: "Yes, but nobody said ‘you're welcome.' Where do all the
thank-yous end?"
Mom: "In this case, either of you could have ended it at anytime
with a simple ‘you're welcome.'"
Son: "But it seems like the person who ends it is less polite."
Mom: "Would it be more polite to let a meaningless conversation
drag on into eternity?"
Son: "True. Thank you for clarifying that. You're pretty smart."
Mom: "Thank you. You're pretty smart yourself."
Son: "Thank you..."
Mom: "My pleasure."
Son: "Oh, you're good!"
Mom: "Thank you..."
Son: "You're welcome, already!!"
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info\
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