 This question, or some variable thereof, is one I've asked my
husband many times. I keep finding stuff on my phone that I didn't
know I had."Do you want to explain that?" he asks.
"I wish I could. There's this lady insisting that I turn left in
one-fourth mile, even when I'm standing in the kitchen... And she's
in my phone."
"Is your GPS application turned on?"
"If you are suggesting that I was making eyes at my phone, I
swear I never meant to encourage it. In fact, it probably
interpreted my scowl as an amorous appeal. Now she won't leave me
alone. Is this what cyberstalking means?"
"No, no, you just have to turn the application off."
That seemed easy enough. Looking at my phone, I said, "You are a
bad application! In fact, you have warts, you smell bad, and your
mother gave you a bath four times a day to try to wash the ugly
off!"
"Give me the phone..." My patient husband, once again, had to
save me from my misbehaving phone.
Honestly, I only wanted one that I could use to make a phone
call. This little beaut takes pictures, shows me where I am (in case
I didn't know), gets my e-mail, and apparently it can now tell me
where to go. Now that I think about it, that could be a feature my
husband installed on there when he was being particularly facetious.
He doesn't need this feature on his phone, of course, because he
has me to tell him where to go.
There are a bazillion things on my phone I don't know how to use.
I'm not stupid. I just have no time to learn them.
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 If I had the time, there are games on there that sound like they
could be a fun waste of it. One of them has something to do with
birds getting even with a group of green pigs for stealing their
eggs. The pigs allegedly want to fry the eggs, but with what side
dish would they eat them? It would seem that these two adversarial
animals should be on the same team against a breakfast-eating
public. Strange things happen inside my phone.
Perhaps the lady who keeps telling me where to go should referee
these two unlikely enemies and maybe broker a peace treaty between
them. It certainly would give her something to do besides boss me
around.
I noticed, also, that my phone is equipped with everything one
would need if one suddenly woke up in a strange place with a bad
headache.
It would tell you the date, the time and where you were.
It wouldn't tell you who you were, if you couldn't remember, but
it would give you a list of your friends' phone numbers, e-mail
addresses and birthdays. All you would have to do is call one of
them and ask them who you are. Imagine getting that call.
It also wouldn't tell you why you have a headache... unless you
took pictures at the club you visited the night before, or unless,
before you blacked out, you had the intestinal fortitude to snap a
picture of the truck that hit you.
Your phone couldn't tell you where you live, but if you turned
the application on at any point, you might hear the calm, firm voice
of a lady who says, "Turn left one-fourth mile." She might not take
you home, but at times like that, it's better to let someone else be
in charge.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info. |
