 The daddy mucus is even wearing suspenders, a fishing vest and a hat
in the house-lung and had a spare tire that would fit a
tractor-trailer. The mama mucus wears curlers and makeup at the same
time. Even in Mucus-World, these are signs of the uncultured.As
crude as these commercials are, there is no denying their impact on
the commercial-watching public.
When I woke up this morning, my chest was tight and my throat was
sore. I just knew that a family of mucus had moved in... There goes
the neighborhood.
As the day progressed, my little mucus family started to build
multifamily dwellings. They were building the Mucus Projects right
there in my lungs.
Soon every Tom, Dick and Harry Mucus would bring their cargo van
full of flea market furniture, set up a mucus household and make my
lungs a living hell.
Was I just going to let that happen? No! One mucus family was bad
enough, but it was all I could handle.
I didn't have anything against mucus in general, I simply was
aware of the trouble it could cause and I didn't want it living in
my lungs.
So I went to the lung council (which would be my doctor -- try to
keep up with me here) and discussed what could be done.
I was told that I couldn't cure the problem, but I could ease the
symptoms. In animated mucus-talk, that meant I couldn't get them
evicted, but I could keep them from producing graffiti and peeing in
the alleys.
[to top of second column]
 |
 Perhaps, if I addressed the symptoms consistently and
persistently, my new neighbors would decide that this pair of lungs
was too rigid to support their standard of living and they would
vacate the premises without anybody having to take a trip to the
hospital.
My doctor said that if I coughed up any of the little rascals, I
should spit them out and get them off the streets... um, I mean, out
of my lungs. I thought it was a good plan. I went to my local
pharmacy and bought anything I thought would help.
I bought cough drops, Robitussin, Mucinex, VapoRub, even a
humidifier. The doctor said that a humidifier would help loosen up
the mucus. I guess in this case, "divide and conquer" would be the
correct euphemism.
Those mucus families like to stick together, though.
OK, that was gross... but I just couldn't resist.
This campaign would not be a short one. It was going to take time
and effort. However, even a few hours after my first dose of
medicine, I can feel the Mucus family getting restless.
It won't be too long before they realize that they need to move
on and take their spare tires with them.
Let this be a lesson to writers everywhere: Never write under the
influence of Sudafed and Robitussin.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info. |
