Laura on Life
Tae kwon do-ing: Why?
By Laura Snyder
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[November 23, 2011]
Six months ago, I realized I had a choice. I
could continue going to my son's tae kwon do lessons, sitting on the
sidelines and watching him work his way to the black belt he is
determined to earn. Or, I could bite the bullet, realize the value
in the exercise, buy myself a pair of white pajamas and jump right
in.
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I had to be there anyway; I might as well make good use of the time
and get a good workout. As a result of this... insanity, I learned
some things. Not only did I learn where my sweat glands were located
-- under each breast, in case you are wondering -- but I learned
about every deficiency I never knew I had.
I learned that I had great balance, as long as both my feet were
on the ground. I learned that push-ups should not only be measured
by how many one can do, but factored in should be how large an upper
torso one has to haul around with them. Matronly women are at a
distinct disadvantage here.
I learned that tae kwon do class is the only place you can yell
like a deranged Tarzan and not attract law enforcement. Yelling is
absolutely my favorite pastime. Ask my kids.
I learned that wearing makeup while attempting a spin kick
doesn't make my performance look any better. In fact, wearing makeup
is a futile effort while tottering around the training floor. I
still look like a Weeble wearing PJs.
I would like to say that my goal is to eventually earn a black
belt. After all, a senior grandmaster once said, "A black belt is
simply a white belt who never quit." A pithy sentiment, but you
can't argue with the logic.
For the time being, though, my goal is simply to make it through
each class with all of my parts still functioning the way they were
when I arrived. I might add here that this is not such a lofty goal,
as my parts barely work consistently anyway. Making them lurch
around a dojo for a couple of hours each week could only be
beneficial.
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Some people might think I'm stark, raving mad to start training
for a black belt at my age. They THINK that, but what they actually
SAY is, "Good for you!" If they ever said what they actually
thought, I would say they were right: I'm not training for a black
belt, I'm simply training for the next belt.
I have no illusions about my prowess with regard to martial arts.
In a real confrontation, I would be better off with a can of mace.
However, I intend to get better at it.
One day, I may be able to fend off an attacker simply by using my
fearsome yell or surprising him with a well-positioned fighting
stance. The surprise will come from the fact that it will be the
first and only time he's ever seen a 50-year-old woman position 80
percent of her weight on her back leg while the other 20 percent is
hanging off the back of her arms.
For now, I'm going to continue to practice my form even though
all of my senior moments arrive while I'm being assessed on it.
I'm going to kick as high as I can and hope that any would-be
assailant is one of Snow White's dwarfs.
I'm going to perform as many jumping jacks and jumping front
kicks as my obstinately leaky bladder will allow.
And I'm going to yell like Tarzan's jungle is on fire!
If that will get me my next belt, it will be an honest-to-God
miracle. If not... well... orange is a pretty color...
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info.
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