 How I kept a straight face, I'll never know.
"Is that so?"
I was cool as a cucumber -- of the vegetable variety -- even
though I was coming apart at the seams inside.
If it wasn't the most hilarious thing I'd ever heard, the visual
I got was, by far, the most bizarre.
It makes sense, though, that a creature with the name of a
vegetable so ugly it would freeze Medusa would need to travel in
herds for protection. I imagine all the other sea critters would
tease them mercilessly.
Still ... a herd? Of sea cucumbers? They couldn't possibly move
fast enough to be considered a herd.
There were once huge herds of bison that covered the Midwest.
They were dangerous when startled because they would stampede.
Does a sea cucumber become startled? Ever? And could a mass
movement of sea cucumbers be considered a stampede? After all, they
don't rampage as one unit in fear and anger as much as ooze
languorously in one direction.
Who knows what might motivate a slug-like vegetable-animal to
herd or stampede?
I have dust bunnies that live on my ceiling fans all winter and
are motivated by turning the fan on high.
Those dust bunnies don't arrive in a herd as much as a horde.
They fly down by the millions and wander around my carpet until they
find a nice place to light.
[to top of second column] |
 Dust bunnies may come down in a horde, but after their descent,
they are basically solitary creatures. One gobbles up another when
they wander into each other's territory.
One day, after many years, I might look behind my sofa, under a
bed or between my washer and dryer, and find dust bunnies that have
lived with us so long they have developed a personality.
My daughter had seven of them living behind her dresser. She
named them Grumpy, Sneezy, Happy, Sleepy, Fuzzy, Sloppy and Spock.
(She likes "Star Trek" ... and naming dirt.) Now she has only six
because Grumpy ate Sleepy.
Once they have a personality, though, it's immoral to vacuum them
up. Much easier when they are just a speck. The question is: If I
know they will eventually be full-fledged dust bunnies someday,
should I really be vacuuming my specks?
I guess the answer would depend on whether you are a liberal or a
conservative. Or whether you're in the business of cleaning houses
or encouraging life in alien species.
Does PETA involve itself with dust bunny control or sea cucumber
stampedes? I have some questions...
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated
columnist, author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info. |
