 "What I'm thinking, guys, is this," he said, "We need to bring the
Olympic Games here to the valley!"You could almost hear his
balloon of happiness pop when we reminded him of a few drawbacks to
his plan: It would cost millions to build all the necessary
facilities; there is no place to put all the athletes; and the
Olympic parade could march from one end of town to the other in 10
minutes. He sulked in his coffee and then ordered a sweet roll to
take the sting out of reality.
But just about the time Herb mentioned there not being a place
for all the athletes to spend the night, Bernie was walking behind
us, headed back to his table. According to Bernie, he won the
European war almost single-handedly, with just a little help from
Gen. Patton here and there.
"Olympic athletes?" Bernie said, looking down on us from on high.
"You sure don't want them here. Ain't safe."
OK, so someone had to ask him why not.
"Aliens," he said. "Ain't human. This is just their way of taking
over our way of life. You know, get themselves on TV and first thing
you know ..."
"Taking over ...?"
[to top of second
column] |
"Sure," Bernie said. "You see those pole vaulters? Those high
jumpers? It's from training where there isn't as much gravity. And
where would that be? Aha ...you see now?
"And those little girls who go flippity flippity? You think
real girls can do that? Not on your tintype, boys! Just ask Doc
here. Doc, can a human being do flippities like that?"
"Well ..."
"See what I mean. You don't want to invite them to come here and
flippity flippity, guys. First thing you know, our kids will be
wanting to do that and they can't, of course, and that will give
them inferiority complexes and once we're inferior ..."
He looked up toward the ceiling as if he were searching for
spacecraft. There didn't really appear to be anything to say to
logic like that.
[Text from file received from Slim Randles]
Brought to you by the new book "Home
Country," at www.slimrandles.com.
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