 That bag of cheese curds used to be an ordinary bag of cheese curds
settled among its friends in a grocery store's refrigerated dairy
case. It had a life of ease, disturbed only when a distracted
shopper's fingers ran across its label on the way to the more
popular sharp white cheddars.It was just chillin', knowing that
nobody in their right mind would choose cheese curds over sharp
white cheddar.
All that would change, however, the day my husband strolled into
that store with an insane craving for -- you guessed it -- cheese
curds.
The sharp white cheddar winced as my husband's hand hovered over
it momentarily. Then it sighed in relief and smiled knowingly inside
its shiny wrapper as my husband chose the unsuspecting cheese curds.
The sharp white cheddar thought it knew what would occur after
the bag of cheese curds passed through the scanner at checkout, but,
in truth, it couldn't possibly have foreseen the unbelievable
circumstances in which the cheese curds found themselves.
We were on vacation ... in the Northeast ... in the winter. Why?
Obviously, because we needed our heads examined. This particular
day the high was 14 degrees. Let me reiterate: The HIGH was 14
stinkin' degrees!
We had a long drive ahead of us, and of course, we needed snacks
for the road. I bought chewing gum and cookies, and my husband
bought the soon-to-be infamous cheese curds.
After driving an hour or so in blinding snow showers, with the
heat blasting in the minivan, the cheese curds turned soft. My
husband doesn't like warm cheese curds.
"We should've brought a cooler," he said.
I was driving at the time and peering through the falling snow.
I said, "Or we could just throw them on the hood of the car and
let them fend for themselves. It looks like hell has finally frozen
over."
I'm sure I saw the cheese curds grimace.
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 "I have a better idea," my genius of a hubby said. He let a blast
of arctic air in as he opened his passenger-side window, put the bag
of cheese curds outside and closed the window on the bag. He had
effectively found a safe place to cool his cheese curds. We grinned
at each other, enjoying his cleverness.
I was still driving 45 minutes later, when my gum went stale and
the cookies started to look good. With my eyes carefully glued to
the slippery road, I opened my window to dispose of my gum.
It certainly was not my fault that the manufacturer of our
minivan placed the buttons for both windows side by side.
Suddenly, the bag of cheese curds went airborne, and its
subsequent journey after that can only be determined in one's
imagination.
My husband jerked his head from the cheese curds -- which were
there one minute and vanished the next -- to me with a stunned
expression that reminded me of Desi Arnez when Lucy did something
remarkably stupid. He was speechless with shock. His cheese curds
were gone!
Unfortunately, my imagination started imagining immediately, and
all I could do is laugh hysterically at his stunned expression while
simultaneously trying to apologize and keep the minivan from sliding
off the road.
I sobered as I imagined the news that evening: "There was a 20
car pile-up on the interstate this afternoon. Fortunately, there
were no injuries. Police could not say for certain what caused the
disaster, but drivers reported large, sticky snowflakes that fused
with their wipers and became one with the windshield."
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated
columnist, author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info.
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