 However, a kid's perception of that thin line between right and
wrong is sometimes blurry and might even zigzag from time to time.
For example, it's OK to use dead branches to make a fort. It's also
OK to use dad's tools to make said fort, as long as you ask
permission.
However, everything goes haywire when a kid starts assuming
certain things.
"Do the branches have to be dead? Or in our yard?"
"I'm pretty sure the chain saw is off-limits, but dad let me use
his hand saw once. So… do I need permission if I've already used it
once with permission?"
"I've already been told not to dig in the grass, so I probably
shouldn't build my fort on the grass."
The thing is, a kid can reason out certain concepts, and their
reasoning can be quite logical at times… until he tries to explain
his actions to an irate adult.
Other concepts do not fit nicely into a child's reason. These are
the ones that must be constantly reinforced by the adults.
Similarly, when a batter wants to learn to hit a baseball in one
direction, he needs to whack that ball many times to fine-tune the
direction.
Certainly, whacking a kid many times will only give him brain
damage. Brain damage defeats our goal here, so I do not recommend
whacking. But if you want to move him in the right direction, you
need to instill your words of wisdom many, many times. This kind of
reinforcement will make the blurry, zigzagging line between right
and wrong much clearer. If this doesn't work, an occasional
grounding and video game deprivation may help delineate those lines
as well.
[to top of second column] |
 Parents failing to convey the message enough times results in a
10-year-old who takes a hacksaw from the garage without permission,
cuts down live branches in the neighbor's front yard and uses them
to build a fort in the middle of the driveway.
"Why!?" my husband exploded. "Why would you do such a thing? What
were you thinking?"
Seriously, that line of questioning will just put us both in the
loony bin. It is sufficient to say that we never told him he
couldn't do that.
This leaves us with another dilemma: How can a child be told what
not to do, before they've actually committed the infraction?
There is not a parent on the planet who can somehow imagine all
the trouble their children could get into. If we could, the line
between right and wrong would be solid and clear as day.
You see, they don't mean to be naughty. It's just that our
children spend most of their time right there on the edge, trying to
solidify those lines. It stands to reason that sometimes, they're
going to cross them.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated
columnist, author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info.
 |
