If it's not war m enough to wear a bathing suit, it's too cold.
Normally, this fact wouldn't bother me one bit. But after one spends
a wad of hard-earned cash on a cruise to the Bahamas, the least they
could do is provide a bit of warmth when you get there.At least
the water was as blue as the commercials say. I was slightly
mollified. It was as if they were saying, "You can look, but don't
you dare fling your body into it!"
Wandering around a foreign country with my mom and my daughter
was an eye-opening experience. My mother, being the oldest,
certainly should have been the wisest. All I can say is that if she
ever travels abroad on her own, I will have to attach a homing
device to her bra. The lady couldn't find her way out of a paper
bag, bless her heart. It is a good thing that these were islands we
were visiting. You could only go so far in the wrong direction
before you hit water and had to turn around.
I finally decided that taking directions from my mom was like
listening to fashion advice from my color-blind sons.
After we found the beach and discovered that it was too cold to
swim, we decided that the only way we would be able to wear our
bathing suits was to use the steam room onboard the ship.
Every evening we'd stuff ourselves silly in the dining room. Then
we'd put on our bathing suits and the complimentary bathrobes
stashed in our cabin, and we'd shuffle up to the steam room. There,
we'd baste ourselves like a Thanksgiving turkey. It felt so good
that I was sure it wasn't healthy for you. But I didn't care because
it made me sleep like a baby.
The hardest thing about sleeping in close quarters is that there
is always that one person who doesn't sleep properly. They snore,
sleepwalk, sleep-talk, or have insomnia or a weak bladder.
My oldest son once slept in the room across the hall from a
friend who had night terrors. After hearing an ear-piercing scream,
my son spent the rest of the night crouched in a closet clutching a
baseball bat.
[to top of second column] |
 We had no night terror issues, but, on the third night of our
cruise, Mom woke me out of a very sound, steam-bath-induced sleep.
"Laura!"
"Hmph ... huh?" I wasn't sure where I was or what I heard.
She didn't answer.
Just as I was dozing off again, "Laura!"
"What?" I asked irritated.
Again, she didn't answer. I punched my pillow and went back to
sleep. A few minutes later:
"Laura!"
Startled again, I asked, "What do you want?" She didn't answer.
For the love of Pete! I thought. This ship had better be sinking
the next time she calls me or, so help me, I'm throwing her
overboard!
I love my mom, but when I am deprived of sleep, I start thinking
evil thoughts.
The next morning my daughter asked why Grandma was calling me
last night. "Grandma" looked surprised.
She looked straight into my tired, blood-shot eyes and said, "I
didn't call anybody... did I?"
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated
columnist, author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info.
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