For a couple of days the sun had been warming our shoulders and
making us smile. You know, whispering semi-forgotten things in our
ears like "fly fishing ... gardens ... barbecue ... swimming
Normally, our good doctor would've put another phony ad
in the Valley Weekly Miracle, offering a reward for his nonexistent
squirrel, Chipper, just to hoax us into spring. But after the last
time and the ransom money for squirrel-nappers, everyone here knew
there wasn't a squirrel at Doc's house. It just wouldn't be the same
as it had been.
So Doc got the madness started by putting in an ad that took a
different turn: "Spring Special! Half off on all amputations. Call
That was the first pickle out of the jar, the first tiny slip
toward Spring Madness. We look up to Doc because he has more
initials after his name than anyone else in town, and besides, he
delivered all of us at least once.
So we waited to see who would follow his example. In our case,
you have to wait a week, of course, with the VWM, and despite a
couple of inquiring phone calls, Alberta down at the paper wasn't
[to top of second
Turns out it was Dewey and Bert who struck next.
Bert's quarter-page ad promoted the town's first (in a long time)
"Sock Hop! Town square! Wear socks! Nothing else!"
Now he didn't say when this would take place, but we did notice
some teenage boys hanging around the square just to see if there was
any chance of naked nubile nymphets. There wasn't.
Dewey Decker, the accident-prone king of garden fertilizer in the
valley (it's hard to damage cow manure) bought an ad for his
garden-enhancing products, offering a free taste test.
There is something goofy and fun about spring, all right. Just
ask Alberta down at the paper. She has this little spring smile ...
[Text from file received from Slim Randles]
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