Slim Randles' Home Country
A few words on lawn nutrition
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You have to hand
it to Windy. When Alphonse "Windy" Wilson chooses to speak, it's a
bombastic sampling of creativity. Windy has yet to find a word he
can't make better through his own unique methods.
Well, what got him fired up the other day was a meeting of the
garden club ladies down at the nursery. Windy's been helping Dewey
with his manure business on the one day a week he spends helping
others. Today wasn't a helper day, but he couldn't pass up the
audience. They hadn't gotten through old business when Windy stood,
smiled and spoke.
"Dear ladies," he said, "what an opera-tune
moment this is, finding you all coagulated here in an effort to
beatify the yards of our fair town. And what, you may ask, brings me
to this conflagration? It's the latest thing in gardening. Our
chairman of the board refers to it as ‘cow pasture tea' and it
nutritionalizes plants right down to bedrock. As Dewey says, the
only way to improve on cow manure is to liquidize it. Well, he
hasn't said it yet, but he will.
"Now what exactly is cow pasture tea, you're undoubtedly asking
yourselves at this moment. It's a varietal combination of composted
cow manure, water and some acid we put in there to matriculate it
properly into the life-giving succulence we require. Then we put it
in a drum and pull the drum behind a tractor-like conveyance that
looks an awful lot like an old riding lawn mower. We spray this on
your lawn, and in ninja-seconds, this liquor of life perambulates
deep into the rootiness of the grass and makes it want to grow."
[to top of second
He smiled at the group and noticed a lot of them were giggling in
appreciation of his talk. He puffed up and continued.
"And what does the Dewey Decker Manure Combine charge for this
incompartible service? A mere $10 for an average-sized lawn. Think
about that, ladies. Ten dollars. Twenty 50-cent pieces. Why you'd
spend more than that on a wedding dress or a trip to the Bermudas!"
A number of the ladies clapped at that, thinking that might
satisfy him, and it did. He smiled and sat.
He could get used to this corporate life. Maybe it wasn't too
late to climb the ladder to success.
[Text from file received from
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