Slim Randles' Home Country
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One thing about
cold: It drives folks indoors. But in some cases, it also can
provide entertainment, enlightenment, laughter and education. We're
not talking your local PBS station here, but Alphonse "Windy"
This time of year, Windy becomes a seasonal member of the Mule Barn
truck stop's world dilemma think tank, and he usually sticks around
until things thaw out. And this morning, Windy's unique approach to
the English language took on the weather outside.
"Boys, I gotta
tell you. This cold transmits me reversely to the winter of '47.
Cold? It thicklicated your blood so much you could hardly walk. You
remember it, Doc? Ol' Miller at the dairy had to ignitiolize a fire
under the milk separator to liquinate it. Why, even the dickie birds
got refrigelated up and crashed!
"You boys know about them engine heatilations, right? Well, it
was so cold we were obligatored to pre-heat the blamed firewood
before we could burn it. Diesel trucks were immobilating up at 60
miles an hour and it still took them a mile and a half to stop.
[to top of second
"Some of the women were knitling up sweaters that would fit two
people, just to take advantage of the body heat. Dang near caused
epilemic divorce, 'cause the husband wanted to go one way and the
wife another. I tell you, it was parsimonium! It was blame near four
days and nights erstwhile an ol' he-coon down 'long Lewis Creek
recomnized he'd been treed by the hounds, 'cuz the dogs' bawling
frosticated up concretely afore he could hear it."
Windy paused for a sip or two. No one wanted to interrupt.
"Some winters," Windy said, "just take the former limitarions to
Yeah. We'd always figured it that way, too.
[Text from file received from
Can't hear Windy butcher the English
language? The first step is a free hearing test. Call them up and
ask. Beltone. 1-866-867-8700.