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 Spouses: Mostly women, but many men have been and are married to a
person in the military service. Home fires have been kept burning;
life continues to move on, even when the military spouse is 10,000 miles away. Bills have to be paid, oftentimes with less
than adequate funding available; all the challenges of running a
household must continue without the help of the absent spouse;
children must continue to be cared for, questions answered, nurtured
almost as by a single parent, juggling the daily life of school
attendance and all social activities. In many cases the spouse is
also working to help "make ends meet" and has to manage without the
immediate advice of the absent spouse, and certainly without the
actual working alongside with the spouse when that person is
stationed away from home. Perhaps the heaviest burden of all is
living on a minute-by-minute basis each day with the constant
realization that at any moment actual harm can befall their loving
spouse in the pursuit of defending freedoms for all of us. That is a
heavy burden that most people whose spouse is not in "harm's way"
simply may not understand.
Children: A child whose parent is serving in the military, and
particularly those who are away from home, have a very difficult
time coping with the absence of the parent. The child is constantly
reminded that the parent is away doing a job that is meant to provide
safety for citizens of our country. The children, depending upon their
age, share the dreaded "harm's way" burden, knowing
there may be notification on any day at any time of an event that
will change their lives forever. On a daily basis, many
activities are completed without the presence of the absent parent:
school activities, sports activities, church attendance, movies,
meals, bedtime, vacations, homework, meeting friends, chores, eating
out and just plain conversation.
Parents: Parents of any age have a profound sense of apprehension
when their child serves in the military, especially during wartime
and when the child is serving in a war zone. Of course there is a
great sense of pride from those who know the immense responsibility
and honor the child has in being part of a network of a "band of
brothers" protecting the freedoms of American citizens. Even
in the presence of that pride, however, there is a sense of
loneliness that comes from knowing their in-law child and their
grandchildren are suffering through their child's absence due to the
job.
Siblings: Brothers and sisters of the person serving in the military
are both proud and concerned at the same time. Sibling relationships
can sometimes be shaky or solid, depending on the individual
siblings. With most siblings, as adulthood arrives, as happens when
they begin to reach the age of eligibility to join a military
service, a bonding begins to form that sets aside childhood or
adolescent rivalries and is replaced by acceptance of decisions,
support for choices and respect of person. As with the other
relations in the family, the sibling has that gnawing sense of anxiety
of the unknown, especially if the sibling is in a war zone that
creates an environment of harm's way.
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 Grandparents: Grandparents have all the feelings expressed and
felt by other family members, but generally they have one feeling
and awareness that others may not have. With grandparents the
likelihood exists that they have experienced both sides of the
military in their lifetime. Likely the grandpa has been in the
military, perhaps in a war zone that has put him in harm's way. The
grandma remembers the hardships she faced during the World War II or Korea
period with rationing, restrictions, limited resources in the family
budget and the constant waiting for the war's end. Perhaps the
grandparents were involved in the Vietnam War, which changed
not only the political landscape of America but the civil discourse as well.
They may well understand the turning tide of American sentiments
toward the military when they grow war-weary. They have an empathy
that feels the pain of a grandchild who makes sacrifices, only to
return to a hostile neighborhood.
Ultimate sacrifice: Finally, those spouses, children, parents,
siblings and grandparents who have answered that door with uniformed
men standing on the porch, knowing what the message they carried
contained, are counted as heroes of the heroes. As they stand at the
door listening to the message of brothers in uniform delivering the
untimely news from a "grateful nation" that regrets to inform the
family of the loss, their minds soar to the darkness of grief while
their hearts sink to the depths of loss.
When we get lost in our daily activities and live our lives without
even a scintilla of notice of the freedoms we sometimes take for
granted, we need to occasionally stop and remember those who have
given their all so we can get lost in our thoughts and daily
activities. We should also remember those who provided the ultimate
sacrifice of defending those freedoms. But not only that: We should
remember all those families who supported and surrounded their
military person with love and a bit of anxiety, fear and trepidation
by suffering all the "what-ifs" during the time they waited for the
homecoming. We should remember their standing tall as they learned
of the supreme sacrifice their loved one made to secure and maintain
the peace and freedom of our wonderful country. In all respects, they
have earned the right to be called heroes as well.
One more thing to remember, given the world climate, regarding the
situations in the Middle East with Egypt, Syria, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan and Pakistan,
along with the issues in Ukraine and Russia, coupled with the
tensions in North Korea, nations with organized political government
structures: Is it a wise consideration for Chuck Hagel and President
Obama to make plans to reduce the military down to pre-WWII levels
of between 440,000 to 450,000? This does not even consider a
worldwide effort on the part of terrorist organizations that have
the Western world in their sniper sites, ready for destruction any
way they can. In addition to the reduction, the plans also include
reducing the salary of those who remain on active duty. Not only
that, the plans also call for the closing of commissaries and
exchanges where military personnel and dependents can buy groceries
and other needs at a cost more affordable.
Do we really want to stand by and allow our military and their
families to be gutted to levels sometimes below the poverty level,
when they are on the front lines of protection and constantly give
their service to protect our freedoms? Is it really necessary for
the social welfare programs to continue unabated while the
protectors of those very programs continue to provide the service of
protection with perhaps one hand tied behind their backs? I think
not!
[By JIM KILLEBREW]
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