Slim Randles' Home Country

The imminent crash and burn of civilization

[March 07, 2015]  "It’s all watermelon’s fault,” said Steve, shaking his head and sliding in to the philosophy counter. He nodded at Loretta while flipping his mug to the upright and fillable position. She brought the pot and filled it.

“I always thought you liked watermelon, Steve,” Doc said. “I’ve eaten it with you, even.”

“That’s why it’s watermelon’s fault, Doc,” he said. “We love watermelon, and that lulls us into a false sense of security, and the first thing you know, we think other gourds are edible.”

“Other gourds?”

“Yeah … squash!”

There was something in the way he spat out the word … we knew, of course, that squash is one of the ugliest words in the English language, along with maim, hirsute and duodenum. Hey, we told Steve, who wants to eat something that sounds as if it’s been sat on?

“Makes you wonder just how severe Mr. Zucchini’s crime was to live on through the ages as an ugly squash,” Doc said.

“I think summer squash is not too bad,” Dud said. We looked at him. “But hey,” he said, “you have to have a lot of butter and cheese on it.”

“Why not just eat the butter and cheese? It’d taste better.”

“Yes it would, Doc. Yes it would.”

“And the worst part of it is,” Herb threw in, “there are farmers who grow squash deliberately!”

We bemoaned the imminent crash and burn of civilization as a result of this.

“Well,” Steve said, “to be fair, now, if you boil squash for a while and don’t let it get too close to your mouth, you can grease wagon wheels with it.”

“Nope,” said Dud, “you’re thinking of okra.”

[Text from file received from Slim Randles]

Ol' Jimmy Dollar is Slim Randles' first children's book.  The book is for kids K-3rd grades and is even better when parents read it with children.  Ol' Jimmy Dollar makes for sweet dreams and if you have a dog even better.  Available now on Amazon.