Thanksgiving:  Bringing men into the kitchen

[November 23, 2016]  The job of cooking and creating the Thanksgiving meal is monumentous (which isn’t a word, BTW, but definitely conveys the meaning well). A true Thanksgiving meal with all its trimmings including appetizers, dessert and afternoon snacks, involves multiple shopping trips, a mountain of raw ingredients, a book full of recipes, and a great deal of labor to bring to completion. The once a year, phenomenal, no holds barred delicious meal takes the endurance and timing of an Olympic athlete.

After weeks of planning and hours of preparation, an inadequately too short prayer of thanks uttered, the entire meal is consumed in about a half hour, which is then followed by football and naps for the devourers.

That entire monumentous task of preparing the Thanksgiving meal is traditionally done in solitude by the woman of the family.

As a culture we have drawn gender lines about who should labor in the kitchen. The kitchen is women’s country, and the preparation of meals is seen as women’s work. But this cultural stereotype needs to be challenged. Although mom does a fantastic job laboring day in and day out on meal preparation, it does not need to be a job done solely by her because of her gender. She needs and deserves some help in the kitchen.

And who is going to help her?

Men!

Unlikely, you say.

Men have long been chased from the kitchen, excluded from meal making, and been told that cooking is women’s work, inferring that it is a feminine birthright. But what they really mean is get out of the kitchen before you mess something up and annoy the women.

Some of the greatest cooks in the world are men. Perhaps we could relax the tradition boundaries for just this one day each year, Thanksgiving, to bring men into the kitchen and train them to be helpful.

Skeptical you are!

How do you get men into the kitchen: by trickery or magic?

No, the answer is to appeal to the male ego. To lure a man into the kitchen an appeal needs to be made to some of men’s more basic instincts: men like to show off by lifting heavy weights, cutting things up with sharp instruments, and working around fires and flames.

Ugh!

Arrange the tasks ahead of time for the man. Appeal to him to come into the kitchen and deal with the turkey which is much, much too heavy for you (that’s what you tell him anyway). Have him get it out of the packaging, wash it in the sink and get it into the roaster. You may have to instruct him to pick it up off the floor a few times but more washing can be done. Handling the turkey may revive that deep male soul-memory and instinct for working with the carcasses of hunted animals.

Show him by example how he should stuff the turkey by putting his clean hands inside the turkey and filling it with a savory mix of bread and herbs.

Mmmmm!

Appeal to his senses by encouraging him to smell and enjoy the stuffing. Finally, he can finish the task by doing the heavy lifting to put the now-stuffed turkey into the dangerously hot oven.

Phase 1 of training the man is complete.

Men generally have low endurance. So, after the turkey training, the man will likely sneak out of the kitchen and will be found somewhere in the vicinity of the television. It’s ok, football isn’t on just yet. Give them about a half hour’s rest and then lure him back into the kitchen by asking him to come and cut things up with sharp knives.

Potatoes need to be peeled and cut, vegetables need to be cut and diced, and things like celery and cucumbers need to be cut up for raw condiments. A man is programmed to enjoy the feel of a knife in his hand, slicing and dicing, and generally reducing large piles of items into piles of smaller morsels.

Have a stock of bandaids and a bottle of smelling salts available in case of accidents.

Phase 2 of training is a success.

When all the cutting is done expect the man to once again retire to the living room. Retrieve him from his domicile to do things like stirring pots on the hot stove over open flames. The man is outfitted with mashing muscles to deal with the steaming hot potatoes. And men are perfectly outfitted to use the carving knife to carve up the steaming-hot turkey.

Don't panic if you would hear a low, Tim the Toolman grunt, "Rrrrh, rrrrh, rrrrh!" That's just the man revving up with his, 'going to tackle this tough job with success' sound.

Phase 3 of training the man is done.

Men can do these jobs and even enjoy them with a little encouragement and a bit of praise in front of the guests.

Work to make this the tradition. Men belong in the kitchen! Plan ahead for next year when once again you call your man into the kitchen and challenge him with even more difficult tasks like making the gravy.

Yearly exposure, encouragement and praise may bring about even more interest and involvement until he is a full-fledged participant in the process. After all, it’s a magical time of the year.

[written by a husband who cooks (but didn't always)]