Slim Randles' Home Country
Windy's bombastic sampling of creativity
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[August 17, 2019]
have to hand it to Windy. When Alphonse “Windy” Wilson chooses to
speak, it is a bombastic sampling of creativity. Windy has yet to
find a word he can’t make better through his own unique methods.
Well, what got him fired up the other day was a
meeting of the ladies of the garden club down at the nursery.
Windy’s been helping Dewey with his manure business on the one day a
week he spends helping others. Today wasn’t a helper day, but he
couldn’t pass up the audience.
They hadn’t gotten through old business when Windy stood, smiled,
“Dear ladies,” he said, “what an opera-tune moment this is, finding
you all coagulated here in an effort to beatify the yards of our
fair town. And what, you may ask, brings me to this conflagration?
It’s the latest thing in gardening. Our chairman of the board refers
to it as ‘cow pasture tea’ and it nutritionalizes plants right down
to bedrock. As Dewey says, the only way to improve on cow manure is
to liquidize it. Well, he hasn’t said it yet, but he will.
“Now what exactly is cow pasture tea you’re undoubtedly asking
yourselves at this moment. It’s a varietal combination of composted
cow manure, water, and some acid we put in there to matriculate it
properly into the life-giving succulence we require. Then we put it
in a drum and pull the drum behind a tractor-like conveyance that
looks an awful lot like an old riding lawn mower. We spray this on
your lawn, and in ninja-seconds, this liquor of life perambulates
deep into the rootiness of the grass and makes it want to grow.”
[to top of second
He smiled at the group and
noticed a lot of them were giggling in appreciation of his talk. He
puffed up and continued.
“And what does the Dewey Decker
Manure Combine charge for this incompartible service? A mere $10 for
an average-sized lawn. Think about that, ladies. Ten dollars. Twenty
fifty-cent pieces. Why you’d spend more than that on a wedding dress
or a trip to the Bermudas!”
A number of the ladies clapped at that, thinking that might satisfy
him, and it did. He smiled and sat.
He could get used to this corporate life. Maybe it wasn’t too late
to climb the ladder to success.
[Text from file received from