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 The relationship that Mary has with her daughter,
while tight is not exclusive. She shares that same kind of close
bond with all the members of her family. So, it is no small wonder
that when Mary was diagnosed with breast cancer it quickly became a
family affair.
As Mary approaches her five year anniversary as a breast cancer
survivor this coming January, she and Michelle recently sat down to
talk about the experience and share stories about the journey from
warrior to survivor.
Mary Williams has lived most of her adult life concerned about
breast cancer. In 1974 she noted a lump in her right breast. The
right breast is atypical for breast cancer as statistics show that
most women experience their first and sometimes only cancerous
tumors on the left side.
However, the lump was a concern for Mary and she had it checked out.
It was non-cancerous, but also a cause for concern for her doctor,
who recommended that Mary be diligent with self-exams and
mammograms, even at her young age.
But, even though it had always been in the back of her mind that she
could have cancer someday, when the day actually came and she was
diagnosed with cancer in her left breast, it came as a little bit of
a surprise. The surprise was that though diligent, Mary had not felt
lumps in her left breast.
Mary explained that she went in for her annual mammogram five years
ago with no expectations there would be an issue. However, when the
mammogram was read, doctors noted “a spot” in the left breast and
recommended that Mary consult with a surgeon.
Mary went to St. Joseph Hospital in Bloomington for a needle biopsy.
However, that didn’t work out very well. The ‘spot’ that had been
identified earlier wasn’t immediate found. However a second try
revealed that there were actually three spots in Mary’s left breast.
A needle biopsy was finally done on all three spots and it was found
that two of them were cancerous.
Mary said that after the biopsies were finally done, then it was a
wait to hear from the doctor. When the call came, she said that all
she was told was that the doctor wanted to see her. But, “when they
called me, I knew. And I think I prepared myself then for what was
coming.”
On the day of her doctor visit, she said that her husband Charlie
went with her. They sat together in the doctor’s office with Charlie
holding her hand when they got the news. Mary said that her doctor
was a wonderful communicator and told them everything they needed to
know. Mary remembers, “I was surprisingly calm. I knew what it was,
I knew where it was, so all I wanted to do was deal with it.”
Mary said telling family and friends was a challenge, especially
with her mother. She explained that right as all this was going on,
her mom was preparing to take a vacation trip to visit Mary’s
brother. Mary did not want her mom to know about the cancer until
after she had enjoyed her time with family. So she held off and
shared the information with her mom when she returned.
The second hardest was her son Michael, she said, because he was a
football player with Illinois State and his team was heading out to
play in a championship. She didn’t want him to be distracted, but
she knew she needed to let him know.
She noted that of course, she told Michelle, and of course, she had
a few close friends that she knew she would be able to count on to
support her and hold her up during this time, so she told them.
Michelle talked about hearing the news from her mom and how she
feels God’s hands were in the fine details.
To back up a bit, Michelle explained that this was the time in her
parents’ life when they were preparing to retire. After 40 years as
a Country Financial representative, Charlie Williams was ready to
step aside, and Michelle was interested in taking his place as a
Country representative. In order to do so, she needed to study for
her license, and take two exams, both complicated, but one more
difficult than the other.
She had taken the most difficult exam and passed it. Her mother had
known in late December that she had cancer and surgery scheduled for
January. Michelle took that second exam in early January and failed
the easier exam by one question.
Michelle said that by failing, she had to wait 30 days before she
could re-take the exam and get her license. She had already left her
position with Lincoln College, so she was free of all career
obligations when her mom had her mastectomy.
She said, “I got to spend without any regret or pull in any way
shape or form, I got to spend days with my mom during her recovery
process. In my opinion that was God’s timing.”
Michelle interjected that the calm and the strength she saw in her
mom was a surprise. She said her mom had always been a strong woman,
and she knew that, but at the same time, Mary Williams was the kind
of lady who would shed tears over a sad commercial on the
television.
Michelle said, “Back then, I didn’t know how strong she was, and
that scared me because I couldn’t fight for her. I’m the tenacious,
in your face type person and my mom isn’t like that. I was afraid
this battle would change her in a negative way. It showed me how
strong she was, how composed she was, how brave she was.”
Michelle said Mary “owned her fight” without self-pity or vanity.
Michelle said for herself, there were a couple of emotional times
because she was close to her mom and she needed her mom to be
alright. Michelle and her husband Todd have
two daughters, Alaina and Sophia. At the time of Mary’s diagnosis,
Alaina was only about seven years old. When it came time to tell the
girls that grandma was sick it was kind of a shock how well they
handled it. Michelle attributes a lot of their composure and
understanding to the Relay Recess program done annually at West
Lincoln-Broadwell School.
With that program, Alaina was already informed about cancer, and was
coming home and talking to Michelle about various things such as how
to avoid skin cancer. Mary said that the
response from the girls was really kind of matter-of-fact, “It was
almost like I had the flu or something, so okay, take care of it.”
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Mary said she did wonder how the girls would respond
to her loss of hair, but again, they took it all in stride. She said
that it became their habit to rub her bald head. “It was like I was
their little Buddha or something. They were the ones who brought the
rays of sunshine into my life when I needed it the most. The fact
that they accepted me the way I was, it was a real asset for me.”
Mary’s cancer was invasive ductile cell carcinoma. She said her
surgeon was top notch and kept her well informed. He encouraged her
to take her time in making her decisions. The surgeon had hoped to
do a lumpectomy on the three spots, but they were far apart and he
determined that his best recommendation would be a mastectomy. But
he left the decision to Mary and when she told him she was opting
for the mastectomy he did the typical swishing of his brow and said
“Whew,” indicating he was relieved by her choice.
Mary said she also opted not to have the reconstruction surgery
afterward. She said it was a decision she made carefully talking
with Charlie, Michelle and others about it. Most importantly was the
reassuring words she received from her husband. Charlie had assured
her that he did not covet her breasts more than her life, and he
wanted her to be healthy, and feel complete in her own right.
Michelle noted that the intimate conversations she and her mom had
would fringe on the edge of comical, and the two laughed out loud
about it at their interview, sharing a secret between mother and
daughter and leaving the rest to imagination.
Mary noted, “At my age, it didn’t seem important. I’ve never been a
vain person.” She said that of course, she wanted to look
presentable in her clothing, but that could be accomplished without
surgery.
Michelle also noted how important it was that her dad be supportive.
“I was proud of my father for being so genuine in his support.”
Michelle said that after the surgery she stayed with her parents for
the first couple of nights. She said it wasn’t about their need to
receive help as much as it was about her need to give help. “She
provided for me my whole life, and there was an opportunity for me
to give back in a way that was important to her.”
For Mary, there was no family history of breast cancer, but for
Michelle and her daughters, as well as Michael's daughters Adalynn
and Kennedy, there is a family history now. Michelle said that when
she goes for her annual mammograms she does have to check that box,
but the box she checks notes that her mom was older than 60 when she
was diagnosed.
Mary said she discussed the genetic testing for Michelle and the
four girls with her doctors. Because Mary was older when diagnosed,
and the only history for the second and third generations, doctors
didn’t feel that testing is necessary.
Michelle said that she personally isn’t sure she would want the
testing anyway. She notes that her type ‘A’ personality demands that
she be in control of her own situations. If a test came back with a
positive indication, then it would be out of her hands. She wouldn’t
be able to decide when and where, or even if, but would just have to
wait and see. Michelle said for herself, she’s much better off to
continue her self exams, and have her annual mammograms.
Michelle did note that one frustrating part of the scenario was that
in spite of her mom’s diagnoses and the newly established “history,”
she still had to wait until she was 40 to have insurance cover her
mammograms.
Mary went through five months of chemotherapy, but did not have to
have radiation treatments. Mary said other than losing her hair, she
really did not suffer much with the chemotherapy. She was given
medications to assist with the side effects. One big issue was that
she found she reacted in reverse to the Benadryl. Instead of the
medication making her drowsy, it made her hyperactive, but it
otherwise helped so she would take her dosages and fidget through
it.
For the family, life after surgery was as near normal as it could
be, and during her chemo in a break between treatments the entire
family took a vacation trip to Florida.
Mary throughout her treatments never wore wigs. She didn’t care for
them and didn’t find it necessary to hide who she was. She did wear
caps from time to time, but just because she wanted to.
Mary and Michelle recalled the trip to Florida. The trip was a big
family affair with Michelle’s in-laws and other extended family
joining in. She noted that her husband Todd’s sister’s mother-in-law
was on the trip too and also battling breast cancer.
Mary remembered a ride they took on a boat at Disneyland. Mary had a
hat with her, but had taken it off. She said on the boat a little
boy was staring at Mary’s bald head. Alaina came over to her and
said, “Grandma, you’re freaking that kid out.”
Fast forwarding to her final day of chemo, Mary recounted that day
as a celebration. As a reward, they went out to eat at the Olive
Garden, one of her favorite restaurants. She said that at the end of
her treatment she received a bouquet of flowers. She took the
flowers into the restaurant with her and the hostess asked if it was
a special day. Indeed it was, her last day of chemo.
In just a bit, the servers came out with a card that each one had
signed congratulating her on winning her battle. They also picked up
the tab for the meal that day. Mary noted that it was a sweet
surprise.
Now, almost five years later, Mary and Michelle are still
celebrating every day. Mary said that once a person has been
diagnosed though, it is a shadow that is always there. “There is a
part of you that even deep, deep, deep way back there, you’re not
totally sure it won’t pop up somewhere else. It makes you appreciate
life that much more. You take every day and live it to the fullest,
and don’t worry about it, you can’t dwell on it, but it is still
always with you. I’ll feel very blessed when that five years comes
and I will be breast cancer free. Breast cancer free.”
[Nila Smith]
Note: Relay Recess is endorsed by the American
Cancer Society, Relay for Life, and the Relay
for Life of Logan County. The students spend a designated period of
time on one special day learning various things about cancer. The
day includes fun activities as well as educational sessions about
smoking, lung cancer, skin cancer, eating right and staying active.
The days are also designated as school fundraiser days for the ACS.
Relay Recess is generally held at the end of the
school year, with the money raised being given to the Relay for Life
of Logan County. Several Lincoln elementary schools participate in
Relay Recess annually. |
