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In
the event you are a breathing human being, you must have heard about
the Lincoln Police confiscating mayoral candidate Jason Harlow's two
pet alligators, Damien and Chewy. To make matters worse for Harlow, he
was cited for a violation of the endangered species act and was forced
to watch his two little pals transported down to Springfield to a
nautical halfway house while this whole toothy issue gets sorted out.
Harlow
has claimed this filching of his pets was politically motivated by
either Beth Davis or Mayor Joan Ritter to stymie his attempts to beat
both of them in next week’s primary. Chances are the truth of that
matter will probably never be known and all we have is Harlow's
conjecture as to the reason for the legal usurping of his pets by
Lincoln's boys in blue.
The
police say they acted upon advice of State’s Attorney Tim Huyett,
but Huyett has been quick to advise us he was informed of the
incarceration of the mini-predators after the fact and has stated for
the record that although alligators are considered part of the reptile
family that the whole affair is a bit fishy due to its timing.
Lincoln
Police Chief Ludolph has walked an excellent backward step by saying
that Huyett was informed of the procurement but that the police did
not necessarily receive instructions from the state’s attorney to
bust up this ring of future cowboy-boot creators.
Jason
Harlow, in the meantime, is forced to worry about his two little pets
and whether they will be returned, set free in Florida or be sent to
alligator heaven.
I
usually like to say "only in America." Sometimes it seems I
have the availability of saying "only in Lincoln."
I
know some of you will feel I am making light of Harlow’s two little
pets. I'm sorry if it seems that way, because I can understand how a
person can become attached to a family pet. I have had dogs and cats
in my life, and every one of them carries some fond memory in my
recollections. To be honest, I never had a pet that had 40 or 50 teeth
shaped like razors, but hey, at 21 inches long, does anyone really
consider these alligators dangerous?
[to top of second
column in this commentary]
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In
the event the city really wants to put the bite on dangerous animals,
they need only talk to the daily runners, joggers and walkers in this
community. Every one of them will tell you the addresses of dogs in
this community that, for want of a better word, are dirt mean. On many
occasions these animals also have free reign over the neighborhood
they intimidate without worry of being sent to a pound or their owners
being cited for unleashed and dangerous pets.
In
my three years of writing, I have received perhaps a thousand calls,
letters and communications regarding various topics. None, however,
has come close to the number of complaints I have received about a
nasty dog chasing after a Lincolnite just trying to use a sidewalk.
I
doubt seriously if a Lincoln jogger will ever write me a letter
stating they have been chased by a baby alligator as they foray
through the streets of Lincoln. But, hey, this is Lincoln and one
never knows.
It
is not up to me to decide what precipitated this whole episode.
Perhaps Harlow is correct in his statements that this is a political
move to undermine his running for mayor. Perhaps he is, in honesty,
dead wrong and is just a victim of his own press releases, since he
has been going about town telling everyone he has baby alligators. You
folks can decide the reality or falsehood of his claims.
For
me the issue is as clear as the Florida swamp was before man moved to
the Everglades. In the event there is a law prohibiting the
maintaining of alligators as pets in Logan County, Harlow is wrong in
having the little buggers. In the event the only law Harlow is
supposed to have broken is that his diminutive little pals are
dangerous, I’m sorry. I have to tell authorities. Get real.
[Mike Fak]
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here to comment on this article.
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Will
someone please tell me
the answers to these questions?
By
Mike Fak
[FEB.
17, 2001] When
I am reading my daily newspapers or listening to my favorite news
shows, I write down little questions that I have regarding something
in the news that just doesn't make any sense to me. Later I spend
some time trying to find the answers to these little mysteries or at
least try to figure out what the heck happened regarding the story.
Invariably, it seems some things just end up being beyond my feeble
brain capacity to figure out, and I put them in a "What the
heck is this about" file. Well, my file is overflowing, so I am
writing some of these questions in this article in the hopes that
someone like yourself, more enlightened than I, can e-mail me with
an answer.
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Question:
Bill and Hillary
Clinton by almost every standard are wealthy people. Hillary also just
got $8 million to write a book she hasn't started yet, so... Why did
these two steal the silverware? Why did they take out of the White
House a TV set and a couch that were gifts to the nation and not
personally to them? Are they kleptomaniacs? I need to know who gave
the White House a couch as a gift? What was that all about?
Question:
Why did federal
prosecutor Scott Lassar allow Dean Bauer, then Secretary of State
George Ryan's top aide, to plead out on the license-for-money scandal?
Why have we spent millions of dollars trying to find out what really
happened in that office and then make a deal without demanding
testimony from the one person who really knows what happened?
Question:
I have read 12 newspaper accounts of the American sub destroying and
sinking a Japanese fishing vessel in the South Pacific. Every account
mentioned "civilians" were working some of the controls. Why
didn't one newspaper tell us who these civilians are? Are they
politicians? Are they heavy financial backers to the Navy program?
Surely they aren't regular people like you and me. When was the last
time any of us received a phone call from the Navy saying, "Hey,
do you want to drive one of our submarines this weekend?" Why
hasn't a single reporter thought it was important to tell us who these
"civilians" are?
Question:
Why are Republicans
spending so much time and money investigating the Clinton pardon of
Marc Rich? Granted, Rich deserves nothing but a long visit to a jail
cell and Clinton should be ashamed of himself, but why are Republicans
fixated on the pardon. Rich will never come back to the U.S., because
he would be thrown into civil court (à la O.J. Simpson) regarding his
bilking of thousands of Americans and would have to give up his
fortune in legal settlements. Why isn't something like the fact all of
us are facing backbreaking heating bills while oil and gas companies
set record profits something that Repubs spend their time on?
[to top of second
column in this commentary]
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Question:
Does anyone else
beside myself find it bizarre that Gov. George Ryan just presented the
new "friend of tourism" award to his wife, Lura Lynn?
Whatever happened to the old disclaimer "Employees and their
families are not eligible for this contest"?
Question:
Jesse Jackson has a
nonprofit agency dedicated to funding educational tutoring for poor
minority children in urban areas. Last year this agency collected $12
million dollars in contributions but doled out only $47,000 to the
schools working this program. The IRS, by the way, says they only
audit agencies that report financial statements that cause a "red
flag" to come up. How the heck is the fact an agency had
$11,953,000? in expenses and only $47,000 in disbursements not a
"red flag"? I believe I would have been audited. How about
you?
I
have a lot more questions that need answers, but this is a good start.
If you have the answer to one of my conundrums, please e-mail me care
of LDN or at mikefak@msn.com. Please, please, please don't send me a
question about something in the news that doesn't make any sense to
you. I have only so much room in my office.
[Mike Fak]
Click
here to comment on this article.
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