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'Home Country'
Mule misgivings
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By Slim Randles
[JUNE 8,
2005]
Dud and I had just about finished
solving the problems on Page One and were about to start solving
sports dilemmas when Bert mumbled something. Now Bert, usually
loquacious, was in one of his rare, but deadly, silent coffee
mornings. Normally he'd fill the Mule Barn truck stop with his
pronouncements on life, love, literature and the price of
cauliflower, but not today. |
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I took a sip and turned to Bert. "You
say something, Bert?" "Seeds
and froth," he mumbled.
"Seeds and froth?"
"It's not like it was my fault, you
know. What did I do? Hey, sometimes seeds and froth just happen to
people, and there's no need to jump all over me about it."
Dud and I nodded as if we
understood. We assumed more would be coming. It was.
"I mean, is it a crime to own a
mule? No. So I own a mule. So seeds and froth come along and the
mule owner gets it? Where's the justice in that? Ol' Jack was
hungry. Is that a crime now? And is it my fault? I don't think so."
"How is ol' Jack, anyway?" We all
knew and loved the stove-up old retired mule that Bert took so much
pride in.
"He's in the doghouse big-time with
Maizie," Bert said. "Why shouldn't she shoulder some responsibility
for the seeds and froth? I mean, you could actually give her some of
the blame for this mess, you know. She's the one left the car window
down."
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"Do I have to hurt you, Bert?"
"Huh? Oh, well, see, here's what
happened. Maizie did the shopping and drove in the yard, and you
know how ol' Jack likes to be loose and wander around the yard,
right? So she took some groceries in the house, but not all of them,
and Jack found the passenger window open, and when she came back…"
He put his head in his hands.
"How was I supposed to know mules
liked watermelon? You guys ever feed watermelon to a mule? Me
neither. Who knew? By the time Maizie got back for her next load, ol'
Jack had eaten about two-thirds of that watermelon on the seat. Man,
there were seeds and froth all over the seat, the floor, the door
and the mule. And I swear... I SWEAR to you... he started grinning
when he saw her coming back out of the house."
"And I guess you had to clean it
up."
He nodded. "Dang mule has the table
manners of a 2-year-old. When you mix seeds and froth with mule
slobber? Well... don't do it."
[Slim Randles]
Brought to you by "Raven's Prey."
Check it out at
www.slimrandles.com.
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