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A:
The simple answer is "no." Many parents make this mistake. They see
that their children want more independence. They don't want to be
told what to do. And often, some parents give their children what
they want so they'll be happy and love them. These parents think
that acting with authority -- telling kids what to do -- will
alienate their children from them. Other parents simply want to be
hip. They don't want to be seen as old and uncool.
The fact is, adolescents already have friends.
They still need parents
to support and guide them. They need limits and someone to make
good decisions for them when they aren't able.
Remember that you are the parent and you are still in charge.
This doesn't mean you need to be an ogre, but it does mean that you
should:
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Continue to set
and enforce a limited number of rules. However, let your
daughter have input into what the rules -- and consequences --
will be.
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Gradually give
your daughter more independence. Let her make decisions that
affect her, and let her experience the consequences.
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Be willing to
direct, not just advise. Advice is what friends give.
It can be taken or not. Effective parents direct in a way that
keeps their children's best interests upfront.
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Share your
thoughts, beliefs and values and be willing to discuss them.
Listen carefully as your daughter shares her own thoughts,
beliefs and values.
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Share some of
your concerns. You might even ask for help. But don't make
your daughter responsible for reassuring you or fixing your
problems.
Have fun together. Good parents can roll on the
floor laughing! Children can even respect a little parental
"craziness."
For more information about helping
children learn or to submit your own question, go to
http://advisor.parent-institute.com. All questions will receive
a prompt answer by e-mail.
Copyright 2006, The Parent Institute
[Text from syndicated column
received from The Parent
Institute
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