 If my husband was to bring me chocolate, which he knows is an
aphrodisiac for me, I'd eat it, of course (who wouldn't), and then
all that remains is the guilt of adding to my rather largish behind
and calculating how many sit-ups and squat-thrusts I'd have to do to
get rid of all those calories. Not that I'd actually do the
exercises... But I'd calculate them.I've recently realized that
there is something that would work just as well for my husband's
purposes and have the added benefit of not causing a post-binge
guilt trip for me.
That something is simple, easily accessible, relatively
inexpensive and needs no physical activity like sit-ups, squat
thrusts or calculations.
Flowers. How many men, condemned to the doghouse for the
foreseeable future, have turned their sentence around with a trip to
the florist? When you think nothing will change her mind, try a
small bouquet of flowers. It might not actually change her mind --
that's like moving the Rock of Gibraltar -- but at least you'll be
able to sleep in your own bed.
However, if you've insulted her mother, a larger bouquet may be
in order. If you've inadvertently mentioned how hot some other woman
is, you'd better go for a large bouquet of fragrant blooms. The
closer your acquaintance with the woman, the larger and more
fragrant those flowers need to be. And if you've done the
unforgivable and blamed her bad mood on PMS, no matter how true it
might be, only two dozen red roses will do. Remember, men, it's OK
to think that, but definitely not OK to say it.
Yes... mistakes like that are costly, but isn't it nice to know
that when you have had a periodic brain spasm, you can fix it with
flowers? There is a certain amount of power in knowing that, isn't
there?
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 |
 Now, as a caveat, I will say here that flowers work for an
occasional mouth malfunction, but for blatant deception, like not
being where you said you'd be ... well, all I can say is that no
flower is going to fix that. In fact, if you brought her flowers,
chances are, she'd most likely beat you over the head with them.
In fact, all the flowers, chocolate and jewelry in the world
can't fix blatant deception. A Mercedes-Benz might work for some
women, but then you can be very sure she's not staying with you for
your sexy smile and your cute butt. She's putting up with you so she
can drive a Mercedes.
It's kind of like putting up with a dog with loose bowels because
he fetches your slippers. Women are quite practical about some
things.
So men, if you've said something unwise at any point in time, or
are likely to in the future -- and this pretty much covers all of
you -- go out and buy a bouquet for your sweetheart today. If money
is a problem, then pull over to the side of the road on the way home
and pick a bunch of daisies. Then take them home and watch the power
of flowers in action.
Unlike chocolate, these flowers will be around for a week or
more, silently singing your praises and sending a message of good
will each time your lady sees them.
Of course, if your transgression was more than a mouth
malfunction, you might as well sleep in the doghouse for a while.
It'll be safer.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com.
Visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info. |
