Iraq war wanes; military families' struggles don't

[April 30, 2009]  HAMLET, N.C. (AP) -- Spc. Jobel Barbosa had spent the past hour with his family in a parking lot after a public ceremony marking his unit's deployment to a war that's coming to an end. It was time to go.

As other National Guardsmen boarded a white bus behind him, Barbosa hugged his mother, two sisters, his daughter, his girlfriend and their baby girl, then turned to join the other troops. His four-day leave, the last time he would see his family for a year, was over.

"It takes everything I got to keep it inside," he said.

While the gaze of generals has drifted east to Afghanistan, the last waves of American troops are headed into Iraq. Among them: 4,000 soldiers of the North Carolina National Guard's Heavy Brigade Combat team, including the 76 men of Barbosa's bomb-clearing unit, E Company, which departed days ago from its base in tiny Hamlet.

It is six years since the U.S. invaded Iraq, and fewer soldiers are dying there. That does little to console the families of those just shipping out -- the troops' absence at home causes as much strain there as their presence in a faraway combat zone.

"We're praying nothing happens," said Barbosa's mother, Rosa Lamourt. "But you can never be sure."

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Jackie Webb knows the drill; this is Sgt. 1st Class Brian Webb's second tour in Iraq.

In early April, as he shuttled between four different bases to prepare for deployment, she was up all night watching over their sick 2-year-old daughter Alivia, one of the couple's three children.

"Brian is so good at helping take care of the kids," said Jackie, who oversees three bank branches.

A full-time member of the National Guard, Webb runs the day-to-day operations at the Hamlet armory. Most nights he has dinner ready for Jackie and the children. Now she depends on family and friends to pitch in.

"I've been here before," she said. "I know what to expect. But it's getting harder and harder."

Her birthday fell during his two-week stint at the military's National Training Center at Fort Irwin, Calif. He wanted to call, but the soldiers had to give up their cell phones when they arrived, part of their preparation for being out of contact.

Webb expects to find a still dangerous but far tamer Iraq than the one he saw in 2004. He also knows all the missed birthdays over the years, all the times he wasn't there for his family. And he knows they're all going through it all over again.

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Tracy Partridge recently had a taste of how her life will change when her son, Sgt. Justin Detter, is deployed. A single mother, she talks with her 23-year-old son almost every night.

When Detter was at the National Training Center for two weeks in March, he couldn't call. She didn't know how he was doing. And that drove her crazy.

When he finally called, he told her that he wanted "good barbecue."

"He said, 'Mama, they don't have barbecue in California,'" she said with a laugh.

When he returned on leave, Detter relaxed at home and spent time with his 16-year-old sister, Jessica, who just bought her first car -- a 1995 Honda Accord with 139,000 miles.

"Just another thing for me to be worried about when I'm over there," Detter said, joking for the most part.

Detter, who hasn't seen combat, couldn't wait to get to Iraq. His mother wishes he was back paving roads with the state transportation department, where she's an inspector.

"What if something happens" -- she stopped short, unwilling to finish the sentence.

Yes, Partridge knows the violence has subsided. Yes, she knows her son will be more of a peacemaker than a warrior.

Still, the uncertainty keeps her awake.

"No one talks about Iraq anymore. You don't see it on the news," she said. "But for our families, it's always on our mind."

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Jennifer Guinn moved in with her mother shortly after Staff Sgt. Ryan Guinn left for Fort Stewart, Ga., in January. In late March, her stepfather died of cancer.

This was almost too much to handle for Jennifer, just 22 and the mother of four: a son from a previous marriage, two stepsons who joined the family with husband Ryan, and the couple's daughter Kylee, just 10 months old.

"He's my rock," she said of her 34-year-old husband.

The experience of E Company veterans like Guinn, many of whom served at the height of violence in Iraq, doesn't neatly translate to the job ahead: ramping down a war in a country coming to terms with relative peace. Ten American men and women died in Iraq in March -- six of those troops were killed in non-hostile action -- the fewest number of U.S. casualties in Iraq since the beginning of the war.

Even so, Guinn and other veterans are still trying to brace youngsters like Detter for what's to come.

"You have a lot of rookies here and you have to show them the way," Guinn said. "You train hard as a unit so everyone knows their role. You can't make any mistakes because there's no place in Iraq that's 100 percent safe."

When Guinn returned on leave, he spent most of his time with his family. Now that he's deployed, his wife is mentally preparing for all the bumps in the road she knows she'll face over the next year.

She knows Iraq is safer today than it was during her husband's first two tours. Guinn fought with the 3rd Infantry Division during the initial invasion in 2003, facing swarms of Iraqi fighters who charged American tanks. During his second tour, he patrolled violent streets of the Shiite slum Sadr City in the center of Baghdad.

Everybody's saying this time shouldn't be as bad, but still, she's worried.

"I know how dangerous it is, but I'm going to try not to think about it. I have to stay positive. I have to stay strong," she said.

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Even if the risks in Iraq have eased, the risks at home haven't.

When Barbosa was called to active duty in November, he left his job as a diesel engine mechanic and scrambled to find a place for his 10-year-old daughter, Christian Tyler, to live while he was gone. He also left behind a girlfriend, Regina Ward, and their 1-year-old, Anna.

Christian had to switch schools when she moved in with her grandmother. Her grades began to slip, and she began getting into trouble for talking back, Lamourt said.

"She's getting better. Her grades are back up, but she spent a lot of time grounded," the 44-year-old grandmother said.

Barbosa, who could barely stand to part with Christian to leave for training, blames himself for her struggles.

"It's been tough on her because I haven't been there," he said.

Now Christian's mother is threatening to seek custody.

"This is going to be too much for Jobel to handle," Lamourt said. "How is he going to deal with this while he's in Iraq?"

So for a few days in April, Lamourt didn't want her son to worry about a thing. In the weeks leading up to his homecoming, his mother spent much of her time planning a big party for him. On Easter, about 25 friends and family members gathered in her back yard. Barbecued chicken, rice with black beans, fried green plantains and crabmeat potato salad -- "These are all his favorites," Lamourt said.

For Barbosa, the trip home reinforced a decision he had been wrestling with for months: He planned to make the military his career. After his tour, he will join the regular Army.

"There's nothing here for me," he said about his hometown. "There's no opportunity. I'm 29 and I don't have health insurance. I need to improve my life for my family."

His mother tried not to cry. She said her goodbyes in the parking lot and looked away.

"I'll break down after he leaves," she said.

[Associated Press; By KEVIN MAURER and MITCH WEISS]

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