 These conditions narrow down the possibilities considerably. So, OK,
perhaps RV-ing our way across the United States is the only option.
If so, it would certainly help to familiarize ourselves with local
laws so we don't find ourselves in the local hoosegow for
unintentionally breaking a law we didn't know about.The Internet
is a wonderful thing, isn't it? You can Google state laws and find
all kinds of interesting statutes, and you can't help but wonder
about the origins of some of them.
For instance, in Florida, it is illegal to have sexual relations
with a porcupine. You'd think that the prohibitive nature of the act
would be enough to discourage people without having to make it a
law. Still, I think we can safely navigate that particular law and
the one that states that if you leave your elephant tied to a
parking meter, you still have to pay the parking fee. I didn't know
that, but I'll keep it in mind the next time I need to park my
elephant.
Also, in Florida, you are not allowed to pass gas in public after
6 p.m. on Thursdays. This might be a problem for my husband, because
that's when he likes to eat his beans and broccoli. You have to hand
it to Florida for being proactive on the air pollution problem -- at
least on Thursday evenings -- but asking my husband to eat his beans
and broccoli on Friday instead might be asking too much. Add to that
the fact that it's illegal to shower naked, and ... I think we'll
just skip Florida.
In Alabama, putting salt on a railroad track is punishable by
death. We're not likely to do that on purpose, but gosh, death?
Speaking of trains... If two trains in Wisconsin meet at an
intersection, neither shall proceed until the other has. One can
only hope there aren't too many trains there. Otherwise Wisconsin's
train system would experience constant congressional-style
constipation. Note to retired self: No matter what, don't take a
train in Wisconsin or carry a salt shaker upside down while taking a
stroll in Alabama.
[to top of second column]
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 On Sundays, in New Hampshire, it is illegal to relieve yourself
while looking up. I wonder whose job it is to enforce that law.
"Quick, look down! The Potty Police are coming!"
Also, on Sundays, you can't carry an ice cream cone in your back
pocket in Georgia, and an unmarried woman can't parachute in
Florida. Georgia must be a wild and crazy state, what with ice cream
cones hanging out of back pockets being a prevalent pastime. Since
we're skipping Florida anyway, and I don't think I'll be tossing
myself out of an airplane any time soon, we don't need to dwell on
the equal rights issue here. But, one question: What if a pilot
loses control of his aircraft on Sunday? Can an unmarried woman jump
to safety?
The answer is yes ... but no parachute.
Inspectors must have a great time in Connecticut pickle plants.
Apparently, a pickle must bounce in order to be considered a pickle.
How high, I wonder?
In Indiana, you must shave your mustache if you have a tendency
to kiss other humans. I assume horses and ducks are OK, but if you
want to keep your mustache, no humans. Neither my husband nor I
sport a mustache, but we'd stay away on principle because
apparently, the value of pi is not the same in Indiana as everywhere
else in the universe. Indiana has decided that pi is not 3.1415...,
it is simply 4. I wonder what traffic circles look like in Indiana?
As you can see, the laws in some states are confusing and
somewhat disheartening, but Idaho is one state I will definitely be
visiting and may even stay for a while. In Idaho, it is illegal for
a man to give his lady a box of candy that weighs less than 50
pounds. Yeah ... that's a law I could live with.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach Laura at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com.
Or visit her website
www.lauraonlife.com for more info. |
