The best-selling author of books like "Running with Scissors" and "Dry" has compiled a book of essays about those dreadful experiences called "You Better Not Cry" (St. Martin's Press, 206 pages).
Burroughs tells The Associated Press about some of his more memorable holidays, how he saves stories for the page and his future writing plans.
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AP: A lot of people feel let down during the holidays.
Burroughs: Yes, I don't seek perfection in the holidays anymore so I'm less disappointed. Lower your standards a little bit. It took me many years to get that.
AP: What was your worst holiday?
Burroughs: The last chapter of the book is also the most recent. The house flooded. We almost lost the house it was so bad.
AP: Not all of your stories are gloom and doom. There's a hysterical story about waking up one morning when you were still drinking (Burroughs is a recovering alcoholic) next to a man with a Santa suit.
Burroughs: If you're me, you can wake up one morning on a beautiful bright winter day and see the sun streaming through those drapes and think, "What a gorgeous day. Look at that sunlight. I don't have drapes though do I? No, I don't. And what's that red over there? Oh, that's a Santa suit. Where might Santa be?" And, you know, there are bad holidays and then there's waking up at the Waldorf Astoria in New York next to Santa. And not knowing how you got there and kind of wishing that you saw handcuffs when you looked down because at least that would imply you had been forced.
AP: You've had a very unique life. Why reveal such personal stories that people might want to keep quiet?
Burroughs: I've had a lot of very odd or unusual experiences but I'm not odd and I never wanted them, so I react the way I do, which is not unlike how you might. You just might be a little smarter and not get yourself in the situation in the first place.
