 My mouth said, "I don't know, Honey. Let's find out," but my mind
was saying, "Probably some twisted soul with too much time on his
hands."Every day he sits at the kitchen table trying to make
sense out of all the different algebra rules. Why, when multiplying
variables, do you add the exponents, but when you are adding
variables, you don't?
My only explanation is that it's a rule. You have to follow it,
because if you don't, the exponent police will come and put you in
polynomial prison.
I dread it when he asks for help. I'm a writer, for goodness
sake! Ask me about prepositional phrases!
I haven't used algebra in 30 years! The only good reason I can
think of as to why you would want to hone your skills in the
Pythagorean theorem is so that one day you can help your kid with
his algebra homework. After all, he may one day be struck with the
lifelong ambition to solve quadratic equations. Then you'd be sorry,
huh?
However, since I did not foresee that possibility, I am now able
to merely interpret the directions and try to find the answer
online. If we find the answer, maybe we can work backward from there
to determine how it was solved.
Then we'll have the problem and the solution. All that's left is
all that pesky stuff in between: the variables.
[to top of second column]
 |
 Word problems are the worst. If there are five times as many
girls on the playground as there are boys and they all have red and
green balls, how many balls does each have? Well, let's see. Barring
any perverted interpretations of this problem, which would be too
easy an answer, we'd need to consider many possibilities. First of
all, what grade are they in? Are there bullies in the class? If
there is a bully, then he has most of the balls... Unless, of
course, he throws them at someone. So does the variable "b" equal
balls or bullies? See, this is where I get confused.
Lord help us if there is a fraction involved. It just throws
everything off.
It's much easier to show the blank stare that I'm seeing in my
head than to try to work through the problem and show my son how
very ignorant I actually am.
"Go ask your father. He'll know what to do." The man has numbers
dancing through his head all day long. In fact, they probably dance
in formation and stack up and multiply themselves while he is
shaving.
You can ask me what a preposition, a prepositional phrase and the
object of the preposition is, and I can talk to you with authority
on those and an impressive assortment of other English-related
topics. My brilliance would be quite apparent at that point. But
numbers? Forget it.
Eventually, my vanity over not letting my son know about how
stupid I am is overcome by my guilt in leading him down an algebraic
primrose path that leads straight to a quadratic nightmare.
Finally, I say to him, "If you want to pass the test, go ask your
dad. My brain hurts."
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info. |
